Saturday, July 23, 2005

Indian Cayenne.

I have to double-check the number of Porsche Cayenne's sold in India, someone who met my boss claims that over 70 have been sold in Delhi alone. My sources tell me 15, but I will just call up and ask the dealer, even though 70 seems like a bit much, given that the car was launched only eight-odd months ago. This means that Porsche has sold almost as many Cayenne's as Maruti has sold Grand Vitara's in the last year, and keep in mind that the Porsche is even thirstier than the Vitara. I also hear that General Motors is thinking about getting that extreme symbol of political incorrectness and environmental destrctionism - the Hummer H2 into India, I am sure Salman will buy one to run over people in Bandra. talking of Salman and running over people, I remember when the man ran over those three (or four, correct me) beggars in Bandra, he said that the brakes on his Toyota Landcruiser had failed. This went back to Japan and got Toyota in a tizzy, without the Mumbai Police asking (and the Mumbai Police asks things like wanting Mallika to give them 'the clip' to 'study' the evidence) Toyota sent a team of engineers to examine the car (which became a tourist attraction by itself as it lay parked outside Bandra PS) and they said nothing of the sort had happened, the Landcruiser, a Toyota exec told me had three redundant braking systems which can survive Antractica, the Sahara and the wetlands of the Amazon without a glitch even going 50,000k's before seeing a service centre. So them failing is kind of like claiming that the voice on 'the tape' isn't his.
Back to Cayenne, one of the first Cayenne's in India went to that half-gutted political wheeler-dealer Amar Singh. Now, Amar Singh's sole saving grace is that he ripped apart Suhel Seth in a HT edit page column. However, since I spent some of the last few days talking to a close friend who happens to be a 'thakkar' UP Thakur, I see Amar Singh has been sleeping too much with the enemy - ie: Mulayam Singh Yadav. UP Thakurs have always been ashamed that one of their own (Krishna, he who was the god y'know) who was brought up by 'doodhwallas' forsook them, and actually helped in the destruction of one of the main Kshatriya clans - the Kuru's aka the Chandravanshi's. Now back to the present time, Amar Singh has supposedly gifted (sold, is the term used) his Cayenne to Akhilesh Yadav, Mulayam's son. Friend claims that there is a dastardly plot to wipe out Akhilesh Yadav ongoing in Lucknow (something to do with Akhilesh lacking in the brains department and other extended family members of Mulayam wanting the son out of the way). Also, Mulayam recently offered 11 buffalo's in sacrifice in a pooja so that he could become Prime Minister one day. Now offering sacrifices is a major thing in Hinduism, and they usually do result in something, but since God's in the Hindu pantheon have a cruel sense of humour the results are usually not the intended ones. Wonder what that mean's for the Porsche Cayenne?
EDIT : Carrying on the freedom of media in the US and how sources are protected by the US Constituition's First Amendment, Pat Oliphant, the cartoonist for the New York Times has just printed a brilliant cartoon. After all Judith Miller, the woman journalist in jail is a NYT reporter. In India such a thing will never happen as all media (even one that advertises its brilliance just below the masthead everyday) is essentially beholden to publishers and vested interests.

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