Friday, April 01, 2005

Something I read...

I freaking swear to god, there is a publication in Delhi, which had the following lines. It just has to be the funniest stuff I have ever read, but we’ll do the critical analysis of it in parentheses. The guys don’t have a website, so I will write in lines – VERBATIM – from ‘The Campus Paper’ Vol. 2 Issue 2 March 1-15, 2005. And yes, I am ob-la-di vella.

High’s the limit

Music and drugs have been together forever (duh! But were drugs around in Beethoven’s time?) - Jim Morrison, Elvis Presley, Jimi Hendrix all offered themselves to its hallucinogenic world that consumed them in the end (not quite, Morrison couldn’t take a bath quite right and he might have on white, Hendrix was so pissed drunk that he threw up inside his mouth and Presley just had the munchies – I mean what else can you say when a guy has deep fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches) ….. For the young (define please?), experimentation with drugs is an inevitable part of college (f**k no, half my college was a bunch of wusses and we were considered hardcore, um, maybe because we were, but that is a different story), the sign of rebellion with the maximum zing (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? But it gets more interesting folks)… In the sixties, you smoked a ‘spliff’ to tell the establishment that you didn’t agree with it. Now, you do a line of cocaine to tell your friends you’re ‘in’ (oh fyuking hell dude, I’m just sooooo in). You empty a cigarette and and fill it with marijuana (empty a cigarette – dude – five letters for you – RIZLA – I use Smoking Silver tho), and the next thing you know, you’re invited to a few parties. It’s almost automatic. (That’s why I drive a stick shift, mon dost)

Now that was only bits of the intro. It gets far more interesting, but I won’t waste time typing that shit out. Other than this line…

And Anurag is part of a massive majority of students, who gravitate everyday towards wanting to be less conspicuous on campus – put acid in their veins.

Now, the English here is so amazing I’m at a loss for words. Yet, when you talk of ‘putting something in your vein’ it means shooting up, and shooting up LSD seems to me the most freaking insane thing I have heard in a long time. Too long. LSD in your veins. Fyuk. That would be lethal. I mean the last time I did acid, I had a double-dip dose, and I flipped out, if shooting LSD is what guys were doing, the first thing I would want to know is how the hell they regulate quantities? Because even a one ml hit of pure LSD would be at least 1000 mics, and that is Sid Barret-esque.

More likely, the guy has no idea what he is talking about.

In an inside page there is an account how a student of SSC got rid of the smack habit, quite likely that the asshole was in my class. Wasn’t the smartest thing in the world to do – Smack, because its dirty and really does fuck you up. Yes, the world of marijuana is clich├ęd, but it’s a whole lot safer.

Not that drugs are good.

No kids, if you’re reading this – Stay off Drugs.

They not good.

Me big hypocrite.

But, this is still the most hilarious piece of reportage in years.

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