Tuesday, January 16, 2007

About a Shaadi...

If you haven't figured out that I'm a cynical person and sometimes have these nutty conspiracy theories, you certainly will after this post. But at least, hear me out, or read me out in this case.
OK, I won't delve into the rumours about how Junior bats for the other team or how much a night with 'Ice Maiden' costs and how many times 'The A' has done her - well, an accepted standard according to one Bombay journalist at the Press Club there was to count the new diamonds that his wife was wearing. Shit, I just did.
Anyway, I must specify that these are all rumours and I may or may not subscribe to them. But, back to the point, I will be a cynic and say that there is something really fishy about the shaadi - I mean given that Amar Singh did all the dalaali and the UP elections are due (just after shaadi time) and that the UP government is getting a bamboo pole shoved up its backside by the media for well, everything that is going wrong in India nowadays. And ironically, almost everything that is going wrong in India nowadays seems to be happening in Uttar Pradesh. Just look at Nithari - I mean, the CBI has come and discovered more bodies. (By the way, do Outlook's and India Today's design teams get together and have a drink every once in a while - "you use a solarised blue picture and i'll use a solarised red one")
How best to get all bad news off the front pages and off Aaj Tak - get two of Bollywood's two worst actors (well, they're beautiful people, but lets not get into their acting skills, eh - I just saw Guru, even Mani Ratnam couldn't save them) married off. This is no doubt, the biggest star-wedding in a while and it has been expected even. But actually getting Amitabh Bachchan to CALL (he did, really!) up editors to inform them that this event has happened. That is actually what happened on Sunday evening, people didn't call up Amitabh - he called them up. Now, from what I know of celebrities after watching shows that the kind people at E! bring us - celebs use the media but are usually quite reticent about things like this - just look at the TomKat wedding or even the Bragelina spawn incident in Namibia. But, instead these guys have gone all out to court publicity (Amar and Amitabh) and giving interviews to channels that beam into the Hindi heartland - ie: Uttar Pradesh among others.
Now, one opinion - the one that the mainstream media which doesn't indulge in mad rumour-mongering because respectable journalists like Barkha Dutt work in the mainstream media after all - will say that the Bachchans thought it best to engage the media. Well, I'm just floating a different idea, which would make a lot of people ask me what on earth have I been smoking? (Nothing terribly exciting, I must add) Miss Dutt, we are a democracy and I am entitled to my opinion, even if you think otherwise - so :-p to you! By the way, I must clarify that to the best of my knowledge, I'm a fairly respectable member of the the mainstream media and if you really want to know who I am, read this blog well enough, its not exactly a state secret!
Oh yeah, I just have wild opinions, for more on the the Ash-sekh (though Ass-Ekh sounds nicer I think) shaadi - please read Greatbong!


thalassa_mikra said...

Not a terribly implausible idea, given the Amar Singh connection. By the way, are Amar and Jaya Prada no longer an item? In the list of guests at Ass-shekh's engagement, I couldn't find Jaya Prada's name anywhere.

So let's get this straight - the woman that "The A" was doing was supposed to be Sush. Is he doing Ash as well? Or are we thinking of different people?

The one I'm thinking of would be faced with the rather kinky prospect of doing a woman who is potraying his mother on celluloid.

thalassa_mikra said...

Also, well, well, it seems Ms. Dutt was a frequent visitor to the Warfornews comments section.

How come when your own arse is on the line, freedom of speech can go for a toss and censorship by another name ("checks and balances") is perfectly acceptable?

K said...

No, no, "The A" has quite a lurid history when it comes to Bollywood actresses - read the 'Polyester Prince' for more details (thanks to a court in Andhra or someplace we can't get it here). After seeing his wife's current shape you can't really blame him. "The A" and his celluloid mother 'supposedly' had something going when she had just become Mizz Bhorld! If I recall, according to the kahani I heard there was also a Mercedes involved.

Anonymous said...

Ice Maiden as celluloid mother??? I am confused. Which movie?

Nazim.k said...

whoa. k is back to writing some politically incorrect underground stuff from the "sleazy underbelly". But most of you stuff - as is always the case - needs to deciphered. But it seems you have a penchant for picking on Mr. A. Don't you? :)

Anonymous said...

man your blog kicks ass and i love posts such as these but for a complete outsider who only reads blogs for timepass all this innuendo is a bit much lol.
by 'The A' you mean senior B?
dude there could be like 4 A's involved here.. including one whose initials are AA isnt it? so have i figured it out? lol

K said...

Just a point of clarification - "The A" in this case is not "The B".
Anyway, just to throw up a question - what will they Assishek spawn - Sabse Chotta B?

Anonymous said...

Well, really dont know if you are going to do the bottling act if u react to this comment :)
Details:- Court Case "Spice Maiden / Mistress" vs " "Desi Magazine"
When:14 yrs back
Why: Magazine conjoins Spice Ice with actor -cum -stunt man jyaada Ak (dont ask who, we all know)
Judgement: Court restrains people from publicly maligning / slandering Ice Spice's name
Polyster Prince (cant name him, what if he gets one such judgement ) so lets call him 'An@l '
Celluloid mother:Ice Spice played wifey of Polyster king..so she is his 'celluloid mother'

'SOft' man may or maynot get kicked out..IN THE COMING ELECTIONS
Brok'err A-mor-al Sting has moved and does his acts behind someone elses 'Parda' So that nobody tapes him..wonder whois that now..WITH WHO HE DOES HIS ' PHONE-OOOH-FRIEND..
Stunt man married ms.white 'candle maker' and also does his flings
Mr . prince moves in mercs and helicops but dont know abt what happened to the ' merc'
' As for the merc , it must be returned, sold and resold till it got stuckin Import case?
In the end the bottle may be down " baby's " as*
Hope you got me right a:)

Anonymous said...

Gotcha...Didn't know that Mr. A leads such a colorful life. It’s going to get interesting now with Ice Spice officially joining the parivar.

-Anon 1

thalassa_mikra said...

Anonymous with the details - great gossip! Now I have two questions -

Who is "Soft" man?

What's the import case?

K said...

'Soft' man is the man with no guts - literally! (Or thats my guess)
The Import case relates to how several celebs in India were using illegal means to get in luxury cars. It was a mid-90's CLK 500 to the best of my knowledge.
Didn't expect this post to become so popular!

name said...

Who is using whom-hard to find in time of incessant flow of information to last man on the earth. That Media went all over the universe over the news of Bachhan Junior was using the power to draw attention of STARS they are .Stop these 24 hours channel .They need cooling off else next time Child Birth at bachhan's House will also be shown live!Who knows


firadh said...


Any body interested in reading polyester prince by Hamsih MCdonald the banned biography of Dhirubhai Ambani please do contact me I stay in Mumbai
I have acess to hard copies

My mail id is firadh@gmail.com

DO reply back

Firadh Abraham