Thursday, June 22, 2006

Magar kyon!

I don't know what is more pointless, people sending SMS-es which can only construed as deregatory while the person whose name is being invoked (as in the person who will do disgusting things) is being dined by Pervez and his lackeys in the badlands of the subcontinent or people then taking your name in vain. Sample a conversation I had with three different people at UndieTV.

"You also have a blog?"
"Who, me?"
"Yes!"
"No because you're being suspected too."
"Of what?"
"I don't know, but your name is doing the rounds."
"Sigh! I hope it makes the ladies sit up and take notice though!"
"What'll you do?"
"What'll the people taking my name do? B****C*** mein Dilli sabko pitunga, people need a good old fashioned dose of Dilli. Vela C******. Kaam karo aur yeh bakwaas band karo."

OK, so I was pissed off at some people already that day (which accounts for the nice language) and I hadn't slept well in three nights thanks to the accursed World Cup and the fact that I'm sent to the back of beyond to fetch great stories. Trust me flying to funny parts of India can be an extremely rewarding thing, even though it is also extremely tiring. You also get to see very beautiful things out of plane windows as well.

However, in the interests of everybody, I think I'll issue a small clarification.

Listen people, my life doesn't revolve around this blog, it never will at least for the time being. I have been seriously contemplating totally revamping the blog - taking out some 'contentious' posts and killing off 'K' and coming out as who I am. However, some people have advised me against killing 'K' because 'K' has a more interesting personality than I (the entity behind 'K') do. People have seriously told me this - I'm flabbergasted and horrified at the same time.
Anyway, thats all I have to say, and as a small addition I'll post a email forward I just got. Hopefully it will cut the needless tension that has been generated over something inconsequential - people really have boring lives!

Sing along to the beat of The Eagles 'Hotel California'

HOTEL KERALA-FONIA

On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia

Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's infested here
It's infested here

His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar,I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray

Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,

Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our
steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell!

Copyright The Yeagles


Seriously, I'm not this good to come up with something so brilliant!

9 comments:

Sushma Nivas said...

K, i'm all in favor of you coming out of the shadows,as the anonymity factor is just your delusion... any savvy regular reader of this blog(miles away from any relations to media peeps), with a high googling quotient would be able to unravel your true identity in a jiffy.. so plz.. go with the revamp

K said...

I'm not deluded about the anonymity factor anymore - i might have been a bit earlier. It is just that I'll have to backtrack and start editing several posts - and with 400 plus posts - that is a drag.
But the question is should I come out - yet continue to be 'K'?
By the way - let me declare quite loudly that I'm straight and coming out here is not a precursor to coming out any other way.

Priya said...

Really how does it matter whether you are K or KM ;); straight, crooked or hooked; in the shadows or in the sunlight? As long as you write what you belive in in the way that you do and say what u want to, as you want to, who the eff cares?

T-8 said...

No, we should have a Google The K Kauntest where regular readers of this blog who are itching to know K should do Googling, Foogling and Shoogling to uncover K, and undercover operations should be allowed.

Now that'd be much more fun, no?

T-8 said...

No, we should have a Google The K Kauntest where regular readers of this blog who are itching to know K should do Googling, Foogling and Shoogling to uncover K, and undercover operations should be allowed.

Now that'd be much more fun, no?

K said...

Yaar Shivam, bad idea yaar. I'll come out in the open nice and easy, just let me remove some not so nice things on the blog.

G said...

Nice yrics, really enjoyed. I guess The Eagles will be happy too ;-)
-G

K said...

Accha, let me just clarify mein toh desi TV News dekhta hi nahin hoon - kuch baar idhar udhar se ho jata hai - but come T&L is just soooooo much better time pass. Jab dekhta hoon kam dekhta hoon, aur uske baare mein nahin likhta hoon. This comment goes out to a lady - lets call her SC who has been bitching me out.
Why don't you give me a call if you have a problem, because I have said nothing against you, but don't push your luck!

thalassa_mikra said...

Even if your readers know who you are, anonymity is excellent protection against lawsuit-happy folks. They can never hold you culpable if it doesn't have your name on it :).

This is where I think the WFN guys are smart. They are anonymous and to the best of my knowledge, never leave comments on any blogs. Which makes me believe that they are blog veterans.