Thursday, May 31, 2007

Of Cows and other demons....

A friend and colleague, who is more of a environmentalist than he likes to admit is taking me along with him to the badlands of Uttar Pradesh this weekend. Now, other than the fact that he supports Manchester United, he is a fairly nice chap even though I have quite a few books with me, including 'the Reluctant Fundamentalist' which I'm told I must read. Anyway, I don't know how the 'Green Post' veered towards cows, but it did. Now, the point has to made that it is Amit Varma who is Indian blogdom's #1 cow expert, and Amit in case you read this, I have to admit, again, that I love your Cow posts.
Now, what is my opinion about Cows? As an unabashed Delhi driver, you know the types who weave through roundabouts because everyone else does, I consider cows a traffic menace. Ironically, last night while driving back from Defense Colony where I had gone to meet a friend I took a turn and almost rammed into one of the species. I've been lucky, but some of my friends haven't - no injuries, but paying 40 grand to repair your car's front end isn't cheap. What I also hate about Cows and this happens way too much is that Cows project the worst image that India can possibly project. Even sensible European chaps sometimes mention to me, "Jaaa, India, that is where Cows on the road, Jaaa..." Worst of all, you can't even deny that this awful fact is true.
But, the question posed was different, do Indian cows have it worse than American cows? Well, after my last trip to the States, which was three years ago, where thanks to my cousin Bro and the joys of Wendy's, we ate lots of cow, I would think not. Now Indian cows roam the streets have a free hand to crap wherever the heck they want to and even have sex in the middle of the road (comical scene from my school days, we once saw a Bull mounting a cow in the middle of the road at Yusuf Sarai - we didn't have the Duiscovery Channel or NatGeo to show us animal sex those days), and best of all, Indian cows don't get eaten. If they die, all religious feelings are forgotten (as they are when these poor cows are transported to Bangladesh) and that is why we produce so much leather.
Then again, we don't eat Cows here, we use cow urine for such interesting purposes as purification and well, there was Morarji Desai. But, after careful deliberation I think that cows don't have it good anywhere, either in India or the US. But that isn't an excuse for them to hang about the roads. You know, thats just dangerous. Of course, if you were to print my thoughts on how we should regulate our roads, I would regulate myself off the road as well. But later I guess.

6 comments:

The Benevolent Proofreader said...

Just get out of the Amrikan mould and the US English dictionary. It's 'Defence Colony' not 'Defense Colony'. A little spell check might also help in spelling Duiscovery. Typos, they never seem to leave you jurnos and you can't even blame the sub-editor for that. And it's that's not thats.

Anonymous said...

:)

- an ex-jOurno, not an ex-jurno :)

Joint venture said...

Morarji drank his own water. Cow piss is the domain of RSS luminaries.

thalassa_mikra said...

Duiscovery? As in Discovering Duisburg?

K, haven't you seen the ad "Happy Cows come from California"? (well they don't show it on TV as much as they used to out here). But the premise is that the happy cows of California produce premium cheese.

The only place in the world where I saw happy, well-fed cows grazing on verdant pastures was Belgium. In Brussels they even have a shopping arcade with cow statues everywhere. Belgian cows must be the envy of the cow-world.

Horn Please!! said...

Aczhully, wiz zee nummer hoff safe'ouses blong to unrika peepuls vee zink she iz defense clony, hokay?

amit varma said...

K, just saw this, sorry, much too late! Thanks, I'm touched.

I share your feelings about cows, btw. Don't tell anyone!