I'm tired of people saying "Salaam Bombay" and how 'resilient' and 'composed' this city is. Because today isn't normal - I'm feeling shaken, maybe even a tad fearful before I finally gather up enough guts to haul myself onto a train towards Bandra. And I'm angry!
Maybe 300-plus people died yesterday and people are back at work because they don't have a choice. I'm sitting in office carrying on as if nothing happened, because that is the way we are as Indians - desensitised to the level of callousness. Laughing, crying, screaming over the same pointless things all over again - starting to think about the next time I end up in bed with someone. Maybe thinking of sex is a nice diversion from what happened yesterday, keeps your mind off the mangled twisted remains strewn across the tracks at Matunga Road. Remains of people who might have travelled with you yesterday or the day before, maybe even folks who took the train with you in the morning. But we are back to a veneer of normalcy behind a facade of a smile and laughing over the same, silly jokes all over again. Make your colleagues believe that you're this stone-cold cool chap without any feelings - cold and heartless. Heck, I'll even drink a beer right now - and what is that saying about comfort foods?
But somewhere down there, you're sick to the gut. You know it despite the smiling exterior that you maintain, that you're sick and you're freaking tired. Sick that you voted a bunch of jokers into power, sick that more and more Indians must die year after year because we are supposedly a democracy and some idiot somewhere must protect his voteback and the twisted politics of secularism game that people play. Sick that there are vested interests who will sell out your country so that they can get a job somewhere. I'm sick about a lot of things today.
And now the captions on the TV channels go - 'Targeting professionals'? Hah! Quite a laugh there! I mean the government is bothered about emptying your bank account and the terrorists want you bloody dead - but you see since you and I don't add up to many votes (the terrorists and their sympatisers do however) nobody gives a shit.
The last time I cried is when I broke up with a woman I had given my heart to and she trod on it like it didn't exist and then stubbed a cigarette on it for good measure. I didn't cry yesterday, I couldn't, but I seriously wish I did. Anyway, I have a story to write and a deadline to meet, so I'll just carry on and pretend nothing happened. Nothing at all..... and I'll carry on listening to how I'm being 'resilient' and completely emotionless like I live in a silly video game.
PS : Don't mind the rant, I just needed to get it out of my system.
PPS : A friend posted some more pictures to his Flickr photostream. Not particularly pleasant for those with queasy stomachs.