In times of doom and gloom, with newsprint prices headed north again but things looking slightly better on the lay-off front, there should be innovation in print advertising. However most innovation has been for publications to bend over and let advertisers hump their backsides. Alright, even that is, to an extent acceptable, after all, prostituting your bum when you have so many over-paid lazy children to feed might even pass the ‘moral decency’ test as thought up by Messrs Thackerey, Son & Nephew (even though the store front has split into two entrances now). But what really pisses me off are jacket adverts.
You know what I’m talking about, not the full front-page ads that like today in some papers, Yahoo India has taken out – note to yahoo India – If you are going to spend a bomb, spend money on a coked-out bimbette at least. I know ‘You’ means ordinariness, but I don’t wish to be reminded of that first thing in the morning. A half-dressed girl on the other hand, would have really brightened up a Monday morning.
OK, as usual, I digress, my issue is with those painful quarter page adverts. Not to say the full-page ones are by any means acceptable, and for this I will always hate Indya.com (they were the first to make ToI sell out the front page, and before you knew it every second day HT carried a picture of a beaming Ponytail and family) but at least with a full page advert you can hold the paper the way it is meant to be held. With the quarter-page ‘jacket’ advert, you can’t hold jackshit, the paper literally falls apart. You know what I’m talking about. A ‘jacket’ advert is like agreeing to have scat sex.
Seriously. And if you don’t know what scat sex is, please don’t look it up on Google Image Search (with SafeSearch Off) at work (no I won't link it), because as liberal as your office might be to you viewing porn at work, this won’t please anyone. Nor will seeing the fat aunties on India’s top ‘user-generated’ sex video site (no, I won't link to this either), I feel like puking when ‘hot chachis’ like that invade a computer screen (though, the site shows that UGC does work on the Indian web). The popularity of mobile phone video cameras is leading to insanity in Indian bedroom. Bad porn, that is my other problem with the world this Monday morning.
I think I should really see a shrink.
PS: I personally did not exactly fall in love with the first issue of ToI Crest (they have a epaper but not a separate website as yet), but the second issue was a marked improvement (more timely story I guess). My only problem is that the amount of time I have every weekend is finite, and there is far too much to read. I do believe that Crest is going to hammer sales of weekly newsmagazines that have over the years lost the plot (annual sex surveys usually filled with fiction, like that one that claimed that 1 in 3 men ‘did not mastrubate’). It seems that Crest has a pretty high print order right now (estimated at close to 3 lakhs) in only Delhi and Bombay (sorry, Mr.T, Mumbai), and with editions launching in Pune and Bangalore before the end of October, the newsmagazines should be really worried because if this weeks covers are any indication, ToI Crest has already won the battle. That is not to say that ToI Crest might not go wayward very soon.
Showing posts with label Ponytail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ponytail. Show all posts
Monday, October 05, 2009
Monday Morning Madness
Friday, January 30, 2009
Arun Verma we need you...
Listen, say what you will about Anil Kapoor in Slumdog Millionaire, for me AK will always be about Mr. India, and to an extent Tezaab, though I did have a soft spot for Ram Lakhan also. I don't pretend to be an obnoxious snob who hates Hindi movies, I just do not most contemporary Hindi movies unless they have Shah Rukh Khan whose movies I watch thanks to inbred loyalty to support people who've made it big from my school as well as the fact that I really liked the TV series Fauji when I was a kid.
Back to Mr India, last year or 2007, I don't quite remember when when I met Shekhar Kapur at a hotel lobby puffing away on a smoke, I made it a point to thank him for making the movie. Amazing when you see the talentless prats who produce, act in and make movies in Bollywood nowadays that sometimes something decent can still come out. But they are too few and far between - instead we see incredibly stupid Kill Bill rip-off's being pranced about as dance numbers. maybe there are some nice movies on their way, if they can get this man to like their music, maybe there is hope for Bollywood yet, though I was hoping that RS' mid-life crisis would be caused by a cranky man rather than Bollywood music.
Anyway, thanks to The Comic Project - there is now a comic book form of Mr India (see in Picasa). And you know what? At this point of time, surrounded by inept murderers as politicians, corrupt defenders, armymen who plot against their countrymen and all, maybe India needs Arun Verma to come back. We have our Mugambo state - Pakistan - though neither Geelani or Zardari or Kayani would do Amrish Puri's Mugambo any justice. Anyway, this is my afternoon rant, I'm bored of cars, electronics, planes and random tycoons. I need a drink. Enjoy the Mugambo video below ('Zahil Hindustaniyon apne history, apne itihaas se kuch nahin seekha' Heh, prescient!) and what was your favourite Bollywood movie of the late eighties?
Back to Mr India, last year or 2007, I don't quite remember when when I met Shekhar Kapur at a hotel lobby puffing away on a smoke, I made it a point to thank him for making the movie. Amazing when you see the talentless prats who produce, act in and make movies in Bollywood nowadays that sometimes something decent can still come out. But they are too few and far between - instead we see incredibly stupid Kill Bill rip-off's being pranced about as dance numbers. maybe there are some nice movies on their way, if they can get this man to like their music, maybe there is hope for Bollywood yet, though I was hoping that RS' mid-life crisis would be caused by a cranky man rather than Bollywood music.
Anyway, thanks to The Comic Project - there is now a comic book form of Mr India (see in Picasa). And you know what? At this point of time, surrounded by inept murderers as politicians, corrupt defenders, armymen who plot against their countrymen and all, maybe India needs Arun Verma to come back. We have our Mugambo state - Pakistan - though neither Geelani or Zardari or Kayani would do Amrish Puri's Mugambo any justice. Anyway, this is my afternoon rant, I'm bored of cars, electronics, planes and random tycoons. I need a drink. Enjoy the Mugambo video below ('Zahil Hindustaniyon apne history, apne itihaas se kuch nahin seekha' Heh, prescient!) and what was your favourite Bollywood movie of the late eighties?
EDIT: Talking about Ponytail Chaudhari who gave a long speech at the Star Screen Awards for something or the other (IIPM ads in the Express now?) - just see this. Classic!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Slumdog
People have asked me what I feel about the movie and honestly I can't quite understand what all the fuss is about. Nothing wrong with the movie, in fact, two friends of mine worked on the crew and when it was being made, I kept on hearing that it was 'going to be awesome'. Frankly, it is nice and I will not be an attention whore like Ponytail C and say 'It Sucks', because it doesn't. Does it glamorize poverty, erm, well, for God's sake, please remember where we live. No matter how nice the roads ever become, there is a shitload of abject poverty all around us - so this is a bit better than the madcap materialism of some Bollywood productions. But, for me, danny Boyle will always be the guy who made 'Trainspotting'. That is a cult movie for a reason, because it was. And if you think 'Slumdog' glamorizes anything, watch 'Trainspotting' - Jamal is not a Renton, no wonder there were no acting nominations. I liked Slumdog, I even liked Anil Kapoor's acceptance speech at the SAG awards, but as a friend of mine told me over drinks a few days ago - Slumdog may not win too many awards because of Milk - that movie was made to win awards. The only thing that really irritated me is why they took so long to release the movie here, Oscar screeners are all over the torrent sites and this 'Made for India' bullcrap is bunkum, because if it were it would have been released here long ago.
But, really if you want to watch another nice story, watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
But, really if you want to watch another nice story, watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Covert
To be fair to MJ, at least he made sure that his new magazine has a functional website where you can go read the stories to get suitably bored. Then again, going through the stories these guys seem to veering further left of Outlook, the cover is a suitably vicious hachet job on Sharad Pawar. At least, and I repeat, they have a fully functional website (simple, but functional) unlike Sakaal Times or Financial Chronicle.
But here is the problem, Covert (and their Covert funders) does not have the distribution muscle of either the India Today Group or the Outlook Group (of course, those who claim to know Covert's funding sources claim otherwise, though magazines are quite a different commondity for what is usually distributed). And despite that, both IT English and Outlook have seen drops in readership in the IRS R1. India Today English, for example has seen 'Claimed Readership' (CR) decline 4 per cent to about 6.9 million readers. Keep in mind, Claimed Readership and Average Issue Readership (AIR) are two quite different things, calculated in different ways (we'll get to that some other time). The same survey shows Outlook CR declined 10 per cent, to around 1.9 million readers.
The truth of the matter is that while hundreds of new magazines are being launched, magazine readership is declining, even the publication I work for saw a decline, not as scary as the 21 per cent decline for Cosmopolitan, but decline none the less, in fact, lifestyle magazines registered some really scary numbers. And the IRS does not even include many of the new-fangled publications which would barely register a blip, such as those published by the Ponytail (who seems to be skipping salaries). I've gone through the numbers and declining readership copupled with rising newsprint costs and the rise of the internet, is not going to make for a pretty time very soon.
But here is the problem, Covert (and their Covert funders) does not have the distribution muscle of either the India Today Group or the Outlook Group (of course, those who claim to know Covert's funding sources claim otherwise, though magazines are quite a different commondity for what is usually distributed). And despite that, both IT English and Outlook have seen drops in readership in the IRS R1. India Today English, for example has seen 'Claimed Readership' (CR) decline 4 per cent to about 6.9 million readers. Keep in mind, Claimed Readership and Average Issue Readership (AIR) are two quite different things, calculated in different ways (we'll get to that some other time). The same survey shows Outlook CR declined 10 per cent, to around 1.9 million readers.
The truth of the matter is that while hundreds of new magazines are being launched, magazine readership is declining, even the publication I work for saw a decline, not as scary as the 21 per cent decline for Cosmopolitan, but decline none the less, in fact, lifestyle magazines registered some really scary numbers. And the IRS does not even include many of the new-fangled publications which would barely register a blip, such as those published by the Ponytail (who seems to be skipping salaries). I've gone through the numbers and declining readership copupled with rising newsprint costs and the rise of the internet, is not going to make for a pretty time very soon.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Puffy
Yes, they used to take out full-fledged adverts, and now they are obviously buying editorial space. I think after the 'ban The Budget' fiasco singed Ponytail, he needed a come-back. And the strange thing is that it isn't the usual suspect - The Times of India that is guilty, but rather EchTee, which used to shout from the rooftops that while the Times trashed it in readership and ciculation, they were better editorially. But this has a screaming puff-job on Page 9 (Delhi, Metro Edition) today morning. There are several small stories in all papers which are puff-jobs, but the timing of this could not have been weirder, it is placement season and the stories about super-high salaries going to IIM grads are all over (One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six) . I'm sure the Ponytail is desperate, but my god, this stinks! Pity, there are irritating bloggers like me who notice such things!
I know editorial respectability matters, but on the same day HT went to town on how they won a prize for good journalism. Seriously, I was more than a bit taken aback on the loo today! Taking a holier than thou attitude is not a safe thing to do. Admitting fallability is sensible, you win prizes but you also take money for editorial space. Everybody has to be a hooker in the media nowadays, because newsprint is getting expensive!
Another blog reader points me to this post on Poynter, which accuses LiveMint of stealing from the NYT! And to MetroNow, please for god's sake, we know you are the bastard child born out of a relationship between two high-class hookers, but that does not mean you can't have a searchable website! And everybody else who reads this blog, please do keep on sending in your comments, emails and text messages. Everything adds up! And sorry if this post looks all awkward I'm using Opera 9.26 for some strange reason and formatting is all over the place.
I know editorial respectability matters, but on the same day HT went to town on how they won a prize for good journalism. Seriously, I was more than a bit taken aback on the loo today! Taking a holier than thou attitude is not a safe thing to do. Admitting fallability is sensible, you win prizes but you also take money for editorial space. Everybody has to be a hooker in the media nowadays, because newsprint is getting expensive!
Another blog reader points me to this post on Poynter, which accuses LiveMint of stealing from the NYT! And to MetroNow, please for god's sake, we know you are the bastard child born out of a relationship between two high-class hookers, but that does not mean you can't have a searchable website! And everybody else who reads this blog, please do keep on sending in your comments, emails and text messages. Everything adds up! And sorry if this post looks all awkward I'm using Opera 9.26 for some strange reason and formatting is all over the place.
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