News!

A desi-born Tam Bram, educated in the good state of Gujarat is one of the winners of the Nobel Prize for Chemistry (The Nobel Committee couldn't find his picture????). In the next few days, the media will claim him as our own, possibly the higher-caste hating politicians in TN will swallow pride and also claim him as their own. And in the process we'll forget about Pakistan and China (the only two countries Anchor Man is interested in declaring war on), the Maoists, the Champions Trophy and maybe even the awesome fraternal battle. Even though I doubt we will ever forget the last.
I guess we in the media feel a misplaced sense of patriotism and nationalism when it comes to anything 'Indian' or someone with even an iota of 'Indian-ness' (as long as they're not white, if you believe the desi media, all white people want to do, especially in Australia, is to beat Indians up*), it sometimes feels like "OMG, OMG, OMG" reporting. I'm not saying don't and the last thing I am is a hater, I just fail to make sense of of the brouhaha that follows. More so, because most of the people perpetuating the brouhaha seem to think exactly like me and wear their national pride on their sleeve, but exactly thump their breasts about it. But then again, sometimes I wonder if journalists really think while they're on the job...
In another piece of news, and this was just waiting to happen, the quaitting part at least. ST has quit Soiled Undie Profit and joined SR. I don't get the logic of the what and why, but this has happened. And another popular one doing the rounds nowadays is that Undie spoke to a couple of guys who sold an illusion to some Japanese company (the story is actually horribly old but has been recently discovered by some bloggers). That is old news, because as some of us know (yes, yes, I don't write everything nowadays I'm too lazy and this isn't really 'profitable' y'know) there was some issues regarding valuations. Now the guys who were being spoken to understood that the valuation demanded was an illusory one, since they're masters of the game, laughed at the demands and left. Not that the company isn't for sale (or so we har), but honestly, it would be cheaper to start a new TV channel nowadays instead of inheriting a crazy high-cost structure.
PS: In case you goils were wondering why you should not marry a Bong guy. Wonder no more, a bit boring in parts, but none the less.
PPS: This has to be best photograph I have ever seen. Well, OK I'm exaggerating, but anyhoo...
*Unless your name happens to be Brett Lee when all you want to do is act in Bollywood movies

L’affaire de la Minister l’twit-twat!

You know something, this might not have been a big deal, had JJ kept his gob (or fingers) shut. PR is one thing, having a hissy fit over someone who is far higher up in the hierarchy than your boss reeks of stupidity. But those of us who are blessed to have known Jacob from college should not pretend to have been surprised. When a powder-keg of stupidity with a short fuse is lit, it will go up and the collateral damage will fill the pages and the airwaves with even more stupidity. It just shows the importantance of a term a friend once told me – ‘Minion Management’. If you cannot manage your Minions you will meet the same fate as Saruman. No wait…

If you are saddened by the loss of Sanctimonous self-important posts by Indians on twitter, don’t despair, Emotion-Girl tweets too! In fact, Undie-TV is tweeting itself to glory in their new let us engage with everyone philosophy and I must admit for a channel that (through Emotion-Girl) that once wanted blogs to be banned/censored (particularly blogs that said nasty things about Emotion-Girl, after all she is a war hero, didn’t you know?) this is quite a volte-face.

On another note, it looks like Anchor-Man might have got his war after all. Not the one against Pakistan, which would have meant mutually assured nuclear death, or a one with China which would have likely meant us being walloped. But now we’re fighting the enemy within, something that is not half as exciting (probably because it is more important) than a full-fledged war. And did anyone understand this wonderful line in HT today from the Indian cricket team’s new doctrine…

“If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner…”

WTF???

I mean really WTF??? Do they mean to imply that our cricketers should masturbate? When Bollywood is full of overweight and over made-up starlets dying to sleep with them. No wait, all those are on location with Akshay Kumar. Back to the point, and these were actually the first words I happened to read today morning – a treatise on masturbation. Gary Kirsten’s insidious plan to weaken the Indian team is now know (the next thing he’ll suggest circle jerks). Sorry for being so gross, but these were actually the first words I read in the morning when I woke up bleary eyed a few minutes after the stock exchanges had opened.
But seriously ‘Men In Blue’, I do have I do have a lot of Sasha Grey and Maria Ozawa videos (in high-def no less), so if you need any videos I would happily provide you some. After all, we all are mates and what is a few porno videos between mates, eh?

I was so traumatized that I even attended a Presser today after months just to see Ford India name their new small car (though it felt like the size of a Hyundai i20) the Ford ‘Traitor’ – well, it is called the ‘Figo’; but can you expect any self-respecting fan of FC Barcelona to ever buy a car with such a name. It will probably be expensive too as well as being temperamental.
And by the way, I’m back!

Only in India

Only in India can we come with a show that is for intents and purposes called “Who Wants to marry a Wife-beater (and a dumb coke-head who gives coke-heads a bad name)” Of course, there is also the mystery of ‘Who paid the Hotel Bill’ which has had unintended casualties. The last I heard Nandan was airlifting laundry back to Bangalore to get it washed (rather than at Karnataka Bhavan); even though of all the guilty ‘hotel parties’, Nandan should be able to afford his own bills, even those from Wasabi.
Now, this brings us to the peculiar tale, or non-tale of the ‘wounded soldier’, which though carried in at least three papers has made one the target of a miffed government. But the target may actually not be the paper, but more perversely Anchor-Man; who if he could would have declared war on at least 35 UN States by now. Maybe, they, like most sane (and by now even the slightly insane) people on this planet want him to shut-up. The problem is that Anchor-Man and his arch-nemesis Emotion-Girl cannot shut up, if fact they find new ways of trying to give synaptic shock. Leading me to wonder if televised news in India lives in a Bizarro world.
The one good thing about television outside India, is the quality of coverage. Not that I watched a lot of it, TV in Germany is horribly boring and I refuse to pay for the Hotel porno channel, who pays for porno? But I did watch some sports, F1 coverage on the BBC is just mind-bogglingly superior to the crap Star Sports dishes out (when Karun Chandok isn’t around) – even Eddie Jordan knows more than Steve Slater. And the post coverage, man, that made me cry almost. I was watching the Champions League on French TV – sure I didn’t understand a word of what Desailly was saying but the graphics and analysis didn’t need much translation.
And here we get to see a clown who doesn’t know his drugs. Thankfully, Minister Twat has been told off big time. And read this if you have some time.