Random IPL Rant

Just thought that I would climb on the IPL bandwagon as well. You know, it is the same crazy logic I had when I started smoking - everyone is doing it! By the way, if Ramadoss freaked out about smoking in movies (particularly SRK in Devdas), I wonder what he would say about Abhay Deol's extreme substance abuse in Dev. D? Smoke for thought...
Here is the funny thing, I never thought that the news channels would give the IPL so much support. When Chidambaram started his disasterous attempt to dovetail the Gujarat riots into the IPL yesterday he got a lot of flak from journalists.
And the flak seems to have been counter-productive, Arun Jaitley who was for several days behaving like a petulant schoolboy stirred. You can say a lot of things about Jaitley, but not about cricket. Despite the chaos that rules the DDCA – Delhi today has three permanent members of the Test team and when Virat Kohli makes it there, which hopefully should be sooner rather than later given the kid’s stunning form this domestic season – Delhi players will dominate the Indian team.
Not a Bombay-esque domination that happened in the 60’s and 70’s and that started the quota system, but domination nonetheless. And Jaitley has had a role to play, maybe not training wise but definitely a political role in getting these Delhi boys into the team (and Sehwag and Gambhir have spoken about this in the past, Sehwag even got married at Jaitley's house - love him or hate him, without Jaitley India might not have the best opening partnership in the world right now), and as events of the past few weeks have brought out in the spotlight, cricket is political. Very political and it has been like that since Jagmohan Dalmiya came into the picture. As are other Indian sports, but that is another story. But to be fair, the increased politicisation of cricket has happily coinciced with the team doing a hell of a lot better but still.
Back to my convoluted logic on how the television channels dug their own grave supporting the IPL and making Chiddu look like a vindictive man, which he is, but that is a moot point. See, this is going to be a bad year for companies. We can all delude ourselves and pretend that things are going to improve soon or we could also delude ourselves into thinking that the bottom has fallen out. The only people journalists have actually succeeded in convincing that things are horrible are the guys who employ them and they have promptly cut salaries. In certain cases the owners were broke and in certain cases, not so broke (maybe even profitable) but the salary cuts might be hiding a deeper malaise which happened thanks to the shares for adverts business and the requirement to maintain a debt to equity ratio.
Now, as we all know the media in India is free. ‘Real’ prices of newspapers haven’t risen in years, almost all the money you pay to your newspaper-wallah goes to him. Now the same applies to telly channels. You don’t pay UndieTV for the privilege of watching them, heck people refuse to pay UndieTV for the privilege of watching their trying to be Good Times channel, which nowadays feels like watching a person in complete denial. Anyway, companies aren’t doing well. Usually because their managers screwed up and money laundering operations went awry because the bottom fell out of the Dubai Real Estate market as well. So that means smaller advertising budgets.
The no IPL brigade championed by Chiddu would have meant guys with ad budgets sanctioned would have been left with nowhere to advertise. Other than the news channels. Which would have meant that instead of a sponsored sixer or wicket, things like ‘This tantrum of Arnab is brought to you by XXXX or ‘This display of fake emotion by Barkha is sponsored by YYYY’. I mean we could have had something like that. Of course, both the people mentioned above don’t have a sense of humour, which is why they’ve been mentioned, but you get my point.
Now despite the IPL happening in South Africa, which will mean I will try my frikkin’ darndest to go snag an air ticket to watch some matches at least, the TV times remain the same. So we will not have to watch hysterical screaming, random editorialising or worst of all a litany of wrong facts every evening. Nope, I can watch Sehwag and Gambhir whack the ball every few days. Pity, I really did hope to watch a few games at Kotla.
But then again, as much as we love politics, we just love cricket more.

Alternative careers after journalism...

The first part in what might well become an increasingly frequent series - and none of them will have the option of setting up an online business or become (like Rick Redfern of Doonesbury) a 'blogger'. Let me assure you, there is little money to be made in 'blogging' and 'social media' on the whole is extremely hyped up. Take that for someone who actually understands what the f*** 'social media' means and does not claim to be a social media expert on 'Twitter'. I'm quite happy with my day job.
OK, back to the point, and I don't know how viable an option this is in India - you know with fringe lunatics such at Muthalik, but more on that later.
Become the manager of a Strip Joint. You know I'm pretty sure you could even hire PYT's in some channels as the girls. (Listen, don't flood me with self-righteous comments, I know where you download your porn from!)
Back to the Shri Ram Sene - which as I remember the Ramayana was a bunch of monkeys. Hey, how is this for an idea - if the BJP wants to prove that the Ram Sethu is man-made, send all these monkeys to build a bridge across the Palk Straits, even though given the current situation, the Sri Lankan Army will cross right over!
You know something, I hold some of the media responsible for creating mofo's like this - just like they created Praveen Togadia. Take away the attention and they will wither away. Note to the BJP - instead of running the Advani adverts everywhere - why don't you bring out a proper web post condemning such behavior if as one of their senior leaders shouted at me on the phone. This is a guy who hasn't screamed at me for a very long time. It is all about PR and the Congress is pitching Rahul G as 'change' when all he will do is more of same old sh*t. The website is nice, but you have to understand that Indian demographics are changing dramatically and by first nominating an old man, you aren't helping yourselves with the youth vote - and running a blog isn't a sign of youthfulness.
I'm not saying become like the British Conservatives, who are the most pussy-footed conservative organisation in the world. In a country where 13-year olds become fathers. The other extreme is Israel where the centrists are rightists- a country which produces hotties like this - hmmm - I could do the job described rather well methinks. Pity, Indian journalism doesn't have too many lookers left!
Oh well...

Incremental Cost

Sorry, this is a bit of an essay, but I got inspired for some strange reason.

Shyam made an interesting comment on yesterday’s post on the concept of incremental costs when launching an additional product. Basically, he rightly argued that the term is highly misused in the media world and frankly I will agree with him here. While many people will argue that the explosion of the media industry has led to glaring examples of bad journalism, one aspect has rarely been discussed, the media boom has led to horrible examples of bad management.
See, the media industry does not work like say the airline industry. Say airline X starts a new station, they have to sink in certain costs – hire ground staff, air-stairs, buses. All of that costs money. Now with one flight a day, the cost is spread out over just 100-150 passengers depending on the aircraft used. Now if the airline operated two, three, four flights a day, preferably at different times, they would hopefully not need to invest in additional staff or equipment, maybe some more staff to cover themselves. There might still be the cost of additional aircraft, but aircraft nowadays are an operating expense thanks to ‘sale lease-back’ policies. Airline X has managed to add flights to the new destination but at an ‘incremental cost’ to itself.
The same philosophy could apply to toothpaste, shampoo, televisions or any industry with a massive initial capital outlay. Where the media industry fails the ‘incremental cost’ test, at least in India it fails rather dramatically. Why? See, the biggest problem in India remains distribution – while South Delhi and South Bombay, India’s two largest media markets have switched en masse to addressable systems – DTH for example (as have outlying rural areas), the rest of the country (admittedly save Chennai, which is why Sun got into the DTH game – even more money) is still beholden to the crappy co-axial cable.
I don’t want to get into the physics of co-axial cables here, but let us be honest, the co-axial cable is 14.4kbps dial-up in an era of 8mbps DSL. It isn’t as if Indians don’t have the television sets to support several channels, any telly sold after 1990 can support god knows how many channels, and only with new addressable systems which feed through standard inputs that the channel wars are ending. The cable industry is dominated by politicians and the underworld who have loved the delicious tax-free incomes it generates at a far lower risk than selling narcotics. Investing in upgrades isn’t their kettle of fish, which is why even set-top addressable cable boxes haven’t really been popular. To cut a long story short, the co-axial cable can only support about twenty-odd channels with a decent picture and though it can be pumped with eighty channels, watching VH1 which is invariably at the end of the band is torture. Heck, it was in mono too. Ugh!
Moving on this meant, our friendly neighbourhood cablewallahs didn’t just enjoy the lard from consumers they also got paid by channels ‘carriage fees’ to carry their channels in the ‘prime’ band. More black money since the networks always accounted for this money as something else. Heck, at one point the PR boss for a network whose owners also owned an airline told me that their flights to Goa were booked out with cable operators and their wives. That same channel suddenly claimed to be number one in the Hindi news space.
So, distribution in India is a pretty screwed-up business aided by ancient technology. I can’t believe there is so much talk of India skipping generations of technology when the advertising and media industry both of whom swear by high-tech depend on a horribly low-tech system. Even terrestrial broadcast is more high-tech nowadays thanks to DVB-Terrestial. Piecemeal solutions such as DTH or IPTV, which is the final piece of the triple-play puzzle will solve the problem until the I&B ministry replicates the forced conversion model. Not that the distribution mess is restricted to television, print is not much easier, but that is more of a logistical exercise. Well, the newspaper business is slightly different – and Times knows that – their rise to the top in Delhi began when they broke HT’s stranglehold on the distribution market, and how!
So back to the incremental cost question, launching a new channel does not mean an incremental distribution cost. Incremental costs mean costs of around 10-odd per cent more I would assume safely, but the cost in this case was rather massive. Admittedly not double, but not incremental either. In fact, the only cost that could be argued to be incremental was ‘marketing’. Because as I carry on, you’ll see that editorial costs were hardly incremental either.
Now, when you launch an additional product, flanking or not, you would need some additional people. To best leverage costs, you would ideally have people work across channels, magazines or papers. Keeps costs down, pay the people slightly more for the excess work, and you can keep hiring down to manageable levels. But in the case of several ‘additional’ channels, and the case of NDTV MetroNation is the one people will talk about for a long time, there was minimal leveraging of resources.
Of course, as Nag argued with me yesterday, that channel had another flaw – wrong language – the English speaking audience isn’t quite hyper-local yet while Total TV and Dilli Aaj Tak do quite well. The case is the same at Good Times, though that is funded by Vijay Uncle’s largesse until that also runs out. And as I’ve said again and again, Travel and Living is there. But the worst example in NDTV and for that matter even in TV18 are the near zero co-ordination between English and Hindi channels. Massive costs operating two independent operations and the Hindi channels can’t bring in the cash. IBN Lokmat on the other hand is a great success – but that is another story and goes back to the hyper-local point – it works with non SEC A/B audiences.
The problem of having such high costs is simple, the additional channels don’t provide anywhere near the revenue streams that the older, primary channel. Sure the costs were lower than the main channel but revenues are much, much lower. And then you get hit with the whammy of a downturn.
Anyway, I’m sure some media managers will take this a bit too critically and given that I’m disliked by that creed more than I’m hated by journalists for some strange reason I don’t know quite why, but anyhow that is another question. I’m not saying that flanking products or additional products don’t work. I’m just saying they should not be hyped up to be something they’re not. They’re not always money-spinners, they are not advertising specials like Bombay Times and Delhi Times!

Crazy idea!

Measuring print journalists contributions on a column-centimetre (or column-inch) basis? Sound frikkin' batty, doesn't it? Well, according to this article, the Tribune Company, owners of the Chicago Tribune and the Los Angeles Times has come up with this brainwave. With increments at a certain media group already hitting rock-bottom here in Delhi, imagine if this had been factored it. But why am I giving management ideas? Because I'm evil.
There i said it!

Pricks

"You journalists are selfish pricks", a senior PR-type told me recently after a few too many pegs. Now, a self-righteous young reporter straight out of media school would say all sorts of bullshit about how we are not, you know, the stuff you sometimes see on CV's claiming that they want to 'make a difference' and all. Sorry, I am not being cynical, but sometimes mediapersons are just utter pricks, and I must start with my creed, that is Bengali's and their irritating habit of assuming that everybody and their granduncle knows the language, and if you don't you are not worthy. Last night, thanks to another friend, I was introduced to one such gem, who insisted on using 'Phataphati', which would I guess translate into 'Awesome', and despite being the only other Bong in the room insisted on speaking to me in Bangla.

Now, I will be the first one to admit that my Bangla has improved considerably since I started out in the profession, since I'm rather 'probashi' (roughly translating into Non-Resident Bong) to use the language again, see even I do this stuff. Anyway, sometimes when people I haven't seen in months, insist in a crowd to say 'Kamon Aachesssss?' it is a bit disconcerting. Listen I'm proud of being Bong, you know cultural superiority and all, but for gods sake, I understand why several of my non-Bong friends get upset at the parochialism. And as I said, I'm guilty of it too at times, but usually only to transmit gossip. To all my Bengali friends and colleagues in the media and I know a lot of you read this, chill out on the Bangla and public places with other people around. It is irritating and kinda builds up the stereotype.

Back, to the topic at hand, why are we 'Selfish Pricks'. This gentleman contended that journalists are a self-serving bunch of hipocrites. Of course, I got on into the class-war that has been unleashed by different media organisations targeting completely different markets. Like the police in UP drawing inference to Arushi's character based, almost entirely on the non-urbane mentality of the bhaiyya's in some language channels who, much before the Noida police, questioned Arushi's character on nothing more than hearsay. This gentleman agreed with me, but he came to more important points.

"Look at the BRT corridor in South Delhi", he said, "Now had that corridor been made in Rohini or Dwarka, the media would not have uttered a peep, but the Delhi Government insisted on putting it slap-bang in the middle of an area close to homes of several senior journalists and on the route to a media orgnaisations headquarters." The guy gave me examples of how the electricity distribution company in the capital actually ensures that the electricity supply is better at Mayur Vihar than other parts since that will keep them out of the news. "Keep journalists minds cool."

"Well, isn't that any community of professionals", I argued back, "Monks and Nuns aside." The guy agreed with me, but said that the hipocrisy is aparent when the media cries bloody murder if any attempt is made at regulation citing 'Freedom of Speech". But after this Arushi thing, I really do think we deserve a regulator for the TV media. that might also stop stock market manipulation, but that is another argument for another time.

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The Ahmedabad case gets even murkier, with a senior BJP functionary recently commenting, "Narendra Modi appointing a Dawood man, do you really think the world has gone nuts?" The guy argued that the ToI had been fed a cock-and-bull story, but the cop himself had over-reacted by pressing 'sedition'. Why the guy didn't file defamation, for that matter criminal defamation charges is strange. Was the guy scared the charges will not stick? Anyway, it seems there is a lot of back-channel work happening in Delhi to clear the mess in Ahmedabad, but from all indications something is going to give.

Travelling with journalists!

If there is such a thing as the travelling companion from hell, I would not be surprised it that thing mutated into the form of a desi journalist on a junket. After spending the greater part of August and September writing more words than I knew existed in the whole wide world, my office decided that it might be a good idea for me to spend some time in the bosom of our great, big neighbour to the East, or as Prakash Karat calls it, home. I have been to the land of the Dragon before and must admit I really enjoy travelling there, not just because I have a soft spot for Tsingtao beer, but I genuinely like eating good food. I mean the non-spiced up bastardised stuff we get here, which is a great cuisine in its own right, but you know proper Cantonese grub.
But, here is the funny part, you always get stuck on the trip where the folks see the food and decide that they want good old ghar ka khana out in the Peoples Republic (and what a Republic it is!). There are time you don't know what to say, why on earth would someone want Cantonese Roganjosh? But, then again, I thought I was being the prick out here, because I was the twit with an open mind and open mouth. And I know I can find my way around a city, its a city after all and I always end up going to the seedy part of every city I visit, though in the Peoples Republic, there were no seedy places - though there were a lot of hookers. But on that front, I believe I'm a good boy, plus my mother and assorted senior journalists also do occasionally read this blog.
Anyway, its not just about food, but sometimes the level of intelligence of some journalists completely befuddles me. Prejudiced and occasionally judgemental and sometimes purely racist, I could never get their logic, they insisted on certain things and of course, the food played a major part. Language was another, bemoaning the fact that no-one spoke English too well (not that my friends had great English either and screaming out doesn't usually help people understand any better). It wasn't me imploring that you need to travel with an open mind, you just can't seem to get through to certain people. It doesn't help when the person accompanying you has the IQ of an ant. What worries me is that, journalists of all people should have the most open mind and at least be slightly erudite, but in this era of mass-factory produced clowns, god knows what the profession is ending up with. Well, its ending up with illiterate idiots and liars.
Usually on every trip I travel on, I scout out one person I can get along with, this time there just happened to be none. No-one interesting or intelligent enough to hold a conversation with, no-one I could drag along into the city and say, lets have a drink. I didn't mind going out alone, but I'm a slightly gregarious person and because roaming rates were silly expensive out there, I didn't even try texting home too often. But then again, I had a decent time, my credit cards are wrecked and the booze was good, and heck, the squid balls and braised octopus on the streets of Hong Kong was fantastic!
Anyway, I should be a bit more regular over the next few days...