You know something, this might not have been a big deal, had JJ kept his gob (or fingers) shut. PR is one thing, having a hissy fit over someone who is far higher up in the hierarchy than your boss reeks of stupidity. But those of us who are blessed to have known Jacob from college should not pretend to have been surprised. When a powder-keg of stupidity with a short fuse is lit, it will go up and the collateral damage will fill the pages and the airwaves with even more stupidity. It just shows the importantance of a term a friend once told me – ‘Minion Management’. If you cannot manage your Minions you will meet the same fate as Saruman. No wait…
If you are saddened by the loss of Sanctimonous self-important posts by Indians on twitter, don’t despair, Emotion-Girl tweets too! In fact, Undie-TV is tweeting itself to glory in their new let us engage with everyone philosophy and I must admit for a channel that (through Emotion-Girl) that once wanted blogs to be banned/censored (particularly blogs that said nasty things about Emotion-Girl, after all she is a war hero, didn’t you know?) this is quite a volte-face.
On another note, it looks like Anchor-Man might have got his war after all. Not the one against Pakistan, which would have meant mutually assured nuclear death, or a one with China which would have likely meant us being walloped. But now we’re fighting the enemy within, something that is not half as exciting (probably because it is more important) than a full-fledged war. And did anyone understand this wonderful line in HT today from the Indian cricket team’s new doctrine…
“If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner…”
WTF???
I mean really WTF??? Do they mean to imply that our cricketers should masturbate? When Bollywood is full of overweight and over made-up starlets dying to sleep with them. No wait, all those are on location with Akshay Kumar. Back to the point, and these were actually the first words I happened to read today morning – a treatise on masturbation. Gary Kirsten’s insidious plan to weaken the Indian team is now know (the next thing he’ll suggest circle jerks). Sorry for being so gross, but these were actually the first words I read in the morning when I woke up bleary eyed a few minutes after the stock exchanges had opened.
But seriously ‘Men In Blue’, I do have I do have a lot of Sasha Grey and Maria Ozawa videos (in high-def no less), so if you need any videos I would happily provide you some. After all, we all are mates and what is a few porno videos between mates, eh?
I was so traumatized that I even attended a Presser today after months just to see Ford India name their new small car (though it felt like the size of a Hyundai i20) the Ford ‘Traitor’ – well, it is called the ‘Figo’; but can you expect any self-respecting fan of FC Barcelona to ever buy a car with such a name. It will probably be expensive too as well as being temperamental.
And by the way, I’m back!
Showing posts with label Porn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Porn. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Only in India
Only in India can we come with a show that is for intents and purposes called “Who Wants to marry a Wife-beater (and a dumb coke-head who gives coke-heads a bad name)” Of course, there is also the mystery of ‘Who paid the Hotel Bill’ which has had unintended casualties. The last I heard Nandan was airlifting laundry back to Bangalore to get it washed (rather than at Karnataka Bhavan); even though of all the guilty ‘hotel parties’, Nandan should be able to afford his own bills, even those from Wasabi.
Now, this brings us to the peculiar tale, or non-tale of the ‘wounded soldier’, which though carried in at least three papers has made one the target of a miffed government. But the target may actually not be the paper, but more perversely Anchor-Man; who if he could would have declared war on at least 35 UN States by now. Maybe, they, like most sane (and by now even the slightly insane) people on this planet want him to shut-up. The problem is that Anchor-Man and his arch-nemesis Emotion-Girl cannot shut up, if fact they find new ways of trying to give synaptic shock. Leading me to wonder if televised news in India lives in a Bizarro world.
The one good thing about television outside India, is the quality of coverage. Not that I watched a lot of it, TV in Germany is horribly boring and I refuse to pay for the Hotel porno channel, who pays for porno? But I did watch some sports, F1 coverage on the BBC is just mind-bogglingly superior to the crap Star Sports dishes out (when Karun Chandok isn’t around) – even Eddie Jordan knows more than Steve Slater. And the post coverage, man, that made me cry almost. I was watching the Champions League on French TV – sure I didn’t understand a word of what Desailly was saying but the graphics and analysis didn’t need much translation.
And here we get to see a clown who doesn’t know his drugs. Thankfully, Minister Twat has been told off big time. And read this if you have some time.
Now, this brings us to the peculiar tale, or non-tale of the ‘wounded soldier’, which though carried in at least three papers has made one the target of a miffed government. But the target may actually not be the paper, but more perversely Anchor-Man; who if he could would have declared war on at least 35 UN States by now. Maybe, they, like most sane (and by now even the slightly insane) people on this planet want him to shut-up. The problem is that Anchor-Man and his arch-nemesis Emotion-Girl cannot shut up, if fact they find new ways of trying to give synaptic shock. Leading me to wonder if televised news in India lives in a Bizarro world.
The one good thing about television outside India, is the quality of coverage. Not that I watched a lot of it, TV in Germany is horribly boring and I refuse to pay for the Hotel porno channel, who pays for porno? But I did watch some sports, F1 coverage on the BBC is just mind-bogglingly superior to the crap Star Sports dishes out (when Karun Chandok isn’t around) – even Eddie Jordan knows more than Steve Slater. And the post coverage, man, that made me cry almost. I was watching the Champions League on French TV – sure I didn’t understand a word of what Desailly was saying but the graphics and analysis didn’t need much translation.
And here we get to see a clown who doesn’t know his drugs. Thankfully, Minister Twat has been told off big time. And read this if you have some time.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Frankenstein’s Monster
What amazes me is that people still get all dewy eyed and soft when it comes to launching a magazine. I’ve spoken to three friends in the past three weeks who are ‘launching’ magazines and who have tried to either hire me at half my current salary, because ‘I’m Good’ or getting me to write for them pro bono. I had to politely explain to them that they’re not only kooks to believe that they can afford me, but I genuinely like ‘being in the machine’, because it helps with content creation because it gets me access. Anyway, enough about me and my complete lack of philanthropy and adventure, because I still genuinely feel that a printed product without a distribution strategy in place, no matter how ‘niche’ (read: elite) the audience, is one bound to fail. ‘Elite’ twats don’t pay for anything, you just have to start mailing them the magazine and then go to advertisers and say “this is our mailing list, can we now become your catalogue?”
I’m sorry in I sound cynical, but the machine is a highly evolved life-form and thee amniotic goo it surrounds you in feels really nice and warm. Just as long as you know you’re in goo. I’m sorry, it has been ten years since The Matrix, which I saw an advance screening of with my best friend Doc at the Russian Cultural Centre and still remember that both of us barely made a peep during the movie. Here is the thing, there are more and more magazines out there and many of them fill needs – such as porno magazines – believe me, despite the advent of online porn and dedicated torrent sites where you can download all of Sasha Grey’s movies there is a particular joy you have when you see titties in print. A joy that future generations of horny 15-year old boys will never know!
Magazines are great and the racks at Khan Market with thousands of titles show that there is hope, but I don’t know for how much longer for a bulk of the products. Trade magazines won’t go away anytime soon, and PR agencies will tell you that clients still have a bout of auto-eroticism when they see their thumbnail in a business magazine, a cover… well you don’t want o know. But that said, there are far too magazines that come and drop out too quickly and worse still several of the smaller magazines read like the Internet paraphrased, with only the occasional guy who understands a modicum of English. Most content is crap, with little genuine research or writing.
Personally, I don’t know how much longer the format will survive in its current form. As I said, porn has moved primarily online and so will the magazine, perhaps they will survive till the advent of colour e-book readers . But believe me; I’ll miss them when they’re gone. But despite the misplaced optimism of my friends, it is great that people still believe in the format. I just hope that the quality of magazines coming out was better. Just look at GQ India, a genuinely disappointing product, there is the occasional sign of sheer brilliance (and excellent photo-shoots) admittedly – but then again compared to the high-standards of GQ UK, you kind of expected this.
On another note, I’ve been accused of baiting Business Standard. Honestly, I’m not a fan of the product anymore (other than ‘Chinese Whispers’). It was and remains a decent product, but over the past few years, you can sense it isn’t the same. It was a great foil to ET, and had far superior policy coverage. But you need money to survive, and well, I don’t think Uday Kotak (guess who wrote about him recently) is putting any into BS, and I don’t think anyone is buying. Fact of life, deal with it. Money and funds are important for survival as is brand-building, no matter how passionate readers are, a brand on the down slope, need money to survive. Particularly, when the brands at the top of the game are losing money.
Hopefully, Baru might take it somewhere new. I don’t know. But honestly, it is losing the ‘top of mind’ battle. As I’ve said before, to each their own, we have a fantastic choice of newspapers, magazines and television channels, and you are free to consume what you want. Some you might feel are worse than others and some are genuinely bad – many of the Indic channels for example – I watched how they explained the ‘Loch Ness’ monster the other day – bizarre.
Anyway, over the next few weeks I will be travelling a fair bit, so I become irregular all over again, don’t start sending ‘hate mail’. Take care and be careful of what you read on the interwebs!
I’m sorry in I sound cynical, but the machine is a highly evolved life-form and thee amniotic goo it surrounds you in feels really nice and warm. Just as long as you know you’re in goo. I’m sorry, it has been ten years since The Matrix, which I saw an advance screening of with my best friend Doc at the Russian Cultural Centre and still remember that both of us barely made a peep during the movie. Here is the thing, there are more and more magazines out there and many of them fill needs – such as porno magazines – believe me, despite the advent of online porn and dedicated torrent sites where you can download all of Sasha Grey’s movies there is a particular joy you have when you see titties in print. A joy that future generations of horny 15-year old boys will never know!
Magazines are great and the racks at Khan Market with thousands of titles show that there is hope, but I don’t know for how much longer for a bulk of the products. Trade magazines won’t go away anytime soon, and PR agencies will tell you that clients still have a bout of auto-eroticism when they see their thumbnail in a business magazine, a cover… well you don’t want o know. But that said, there are far too magazines that come and drop out too quickly and worse still several of the smaller magazines read like the Internet paraphrased, with only the occasional guy who understands a modicum of English. Most content is crap, with little genuine research or writing.
Personally, I don’t know how much longer the format will survive in its current form. As I said, porn has moved primarily online and so will the magazine, perhaps they will survive till the advent of colour e-book readers . But believe me; I’ll miss them when they’re gone. But despite the misplaced optimism of my friends, it is great that people still believe in the format. I just hope that the quality of magazines coming out was better. Just look at GQ India, a genuinely disappointing product, there is the occasional sign of sheer brilliance (and excellent photo-shoots) admittedly – but then again compared to the high-standards of GQ UK, you kind of expected this.
On another note, I’ve been accused of baiting Business Standard. Honestly, I’m not a fan of the product anymore (other than ‘Chinese Whispers’). It was and remains a decent product, but over the past few years, you can sense it isn’t the same. It was a great foil to ET, and had far superior policy coverage. But you need money to survive, and well, I don’t think Uday Kotak (guess who wrote about him recently) is putting any into BS, and I don’t think anyone is buying. Fact of life, deal with it. Money and funds are important for survival as is brand-building, no matter how passionate readers are, a brand on the down slope, need money to survive. Particularly, when the brands at the top of the game are losing money.
Hopefully, Baru might take it somewhere new. I don’t know. But honestly, it is losing the ‘top of mind’ battle. As I’ve said before, to each their own, we have a fantastic choice of newspapers, magazines and television channels, and you are free to consume what you want. Some you might feel are worse than others and some are genuinely bad – many of the Indic channels for example – I watched how they explained the ‘Loch Ness’ monster the other day – bizarre.
Anyway, over the next few weeks I will be travelling a fair bit, so I become irregular all over again, don’t start sending ‘hate mail’. Take care and be careful of what you read on the interwebs!
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