Plantations

Every morning one scans the papers to see what is going on in the world - for example what Rahul Gandhi said today and how many people did he cuddle with (south of the Equator - maybe he will solve the non-racial racial issue in where the world is upside down by cuddling with racists). Also, we read of other interesting facts such as how a man with obvious signs of dementia is taken seriously by a media-whore. But then again the papers are full of media-whores or whores being media-whores (the supplements). So it has come to a point where I read agency news on the mobile web while on the pot. I actually took a MacBook with me into the loo the other day. I think that was a tad sad though, but at least I can filter the internet, most of the papers make no sense. Sainath says this better than me.
Then of course, one might read the financial papers and one in particular. Sorry to be such a skeptic, but some stories seem horribly inspired by one corporate group - you look at the byline and promptly understand whose PR is being done. I should keep a list now of aforementioned people - which byline means which corporate identity. I won't name names, lest I'm accused of being an 'agent' for a multitude of corporates, after all, I have drunk everyone's coffee and in some cases Diet Coke as well (try a Mentos with your Diet Coke the next time). Pity. the mainline papers talk about stuff I really don't want to know and the business papers talk about things that I ought not to know because they may not be true (but are occasionally). And if you put on the TV channels you get to see Tigerthons (there is one coming soon we hear - Greenathons promoted by car companies that can't make cars incidentally) and how blogging about Tiger conservation is going to help save the tiger.
I don't think that will stop the Chinese from eating fewer tigers though. The best solution would be for Indian conservationists buying Indian Viagra substitutes and sending them to China. After all, ground tiger bones are consumed because the Chinese want boners right? Don't they get them when they see Ziyi Zhang? But, you get my point I hope. Maybe.
Anyway, as my brains ooze out through my nose,a victim of global warming I'm sure, I will take your leave for now.

When I grow up...

I want to be an 'Independent Policy Analyst', because that is the same as being an armchair expert. Not that 'experts' sitting in the large ivory buildings (a former movie hall in South Delhi maybe?) are any better but least they talk to the source. Crap, man, this is almost as bizarre as this particular article I came across. Truly WTF. And I love the term 'bold' role for an actress. Showing skin isn't a sign of 'boldness' (or 'baldness'). Bold is either a Blackberry handset or it is publicly release a document full of mistakes and then blame western media antagonists when it all starts falling apart. And inadvertently, by screwing up, throwing climate change science into a funk. And thus making quite a few megabytes of science programming I've downloaded off the internet quite irrelevant. 'Bold' is not a two-bit actress (high-class escort, take your pick) showing skin, and anyway if you want to see skin watch MTV, not Hindi movies. Particularly not Hindi movies with half-plots. And then there was a TV Channel's sudden discovery of the Aghori's at the Maha-Kumbh yesterday. Pity, no-one watched an excellent (and I mean this, it really was) Zee News feature on the Aghori's a couple of years ago.
PS: Behen Mayawati, Crown Prince Rahulji - I know you both love sycophants particularly you, your Statueship and that you, your highness can operate ATM's. But please tell your supporters not to put signs extolling your virtues (alongside their horribly fugly faces) on highway signboards. Not everyone has a GPS-enabled phone with Google Maps that they can turn to tofigure out just how badly lost inside UP they are. Driving back from Corbett, I realised just how godawful the road between Garhmukteshwar and Hapur actually is, but then I hit Ghaziabad. If there is a war between India and Pakistan, I hope Pakistani missile accuracy means that Ghaziabad is blown off the world's surface - with a Ghazni missile. Strangely appropriate that will be though.

This is how the Israeli's sell us missiles!

This is truly the funniest marketing video I have ever seen!

Sorry...

Nothing terribly exciting happening, though I'm hearing rumours of another high-level shift though I'm reliably told that this person, who has worked in the same place for over two decades keeps on making noises of moving every year during appraisal season. And doesn't speak Hindi. So.... Chandigarh may not be that great an idea.
Saw a very funny note at a friend's place last night - she stays in the M,N,O,P blocks of CR Park which recently lost a case and this has been extensively covered by EchTee. As such, I totally agree with the Delhi High Court, the residents are pissed because they are losing their shaadi ground and Puja Park. But, the residents and several other Bengalis in CR Park, and non-Bongs too (while CRP has a large proportion of Bengalis, most residents and house-owners today would possibly be non-Bong) are pissed because of this editorial in HT and most RWA's have sent notes (the one I read) to have a 'Protest March' and also boycott HT.
There isbizarre, and then there is bizarre. But all I would advise the RWA's to do is to get a better lawyer (Fire the guy who made the last ridiculous argument) and use a better argument. You really thought that people (I can bet that a Bengali wrote that Edit - I can even hazard a guess to whom) won't make fun of you after this? Really. It is even funnier than ITC suing UndieTV Profit.
Talking of UndieTV - I saw Imagine the other night featuring Rahul Sawant, I think. You know that show, "Who wants to marry a cokehead (proven) wifebeater (we know, but not quite proven)?" And if you thought Rahul Mahajan was a desperate twat, I the cows who chasing him, illierate cows I must add (I'm not trying to be sexist, but they're marrying a wifebeater , what else can you call such women?) take dumbness to a new level.
And one final thought on 'My Name Is Khan', I bloody well hope after all this noise the movie is good, because if it isn't it will be the biggest KLPD in Indian history. Fudge, I used KLPD in a sentence after years. And to think in school (the same one SRK went to) I used KLPD in every second sentence once upon a time. Oh well...

In other news...

The model that several media companies follow is unsustainable - none more so than Network 18 according to yet another article on the company by Money Life.
The Indian Express more than any other paper has been harping on about the Chatwal-Padma Bhushan case as if it is the only story in town. I've argued before, the man may not be a saint, but the Express' story uses the President's office to explain. Somehow, and I do not wish to denigrate the office of the President here - this was never explained by Rashtrapati Bhavan. But the attack is on Chatwal and the Express (for whatever reason) carries on and will use anyone and everyone they can find to justify the story. Even though everyone else cares more about Mumbai. Where it finally took the RSS, yes that same organisation that most TV journalists like climbing onto at every opportunity to stand up to the regionalism snake.
A snake that incidentally, nobody should ever forget the Congress unleashed. And today when Rahul Gandhi gets on a train, it becomes the only item of the day. Though, I must admit, a top politician getting on a local train gives a better understanding of the woes that Mumbaikars face - an improved suburban train system will help Mumbaikars more than some reserved jobs here and there. Anyway, just my two cents for now.

Guess who is back?

A little birdie, well a rather large birdie to be fair to the man, told me that Peter Mukerjea is back in India and all has been forgiven by everyone other than 'Mr Why-didn't-I-get-a-Gong'. The really interesting part of this small item of News is that no less than Uncle M himself has given him a new operation and that is to launch Fox News in India. Since this is a blog post and not a news piece I can use the term 'sources' freely - the new channel, with a history of hardly showing any news, or biased news at best - which will not make it any different than every other channel on Indian television - will be launched by end-2010. Of course, fat-arsed idiots will be licking their lips at the prospect of ripping someone else off (though it is a bad career move to rip Uncle M off) this 'supposed' new channel might also depart from the obvious by being a bit more right-wing than usual - and right-wing does not mean 'War, War, War!'
Now one can question whether India really needs another news channel - there are no conclusive numbers to show that being in the English general news category is remotely profitable. Every single channel in the space suffers from the 'paid news' syndrome. Print publications at least - well English print at least - puts out 'Consumer Connect Initiative' or 'Media Marketing Initiative' - you don't see that when channels go ga-ga promoting movies and the like. Indeed, this interesting nugget in Money Life makes you wonder how viable the media is in general. And in India, the iPad will hardly be a sudden White Knight. Ask any magazine that costs more than Rs 50.
PS: And as the debate about what journalists should do when confronted with a life or death situation, CNN's Anderson Cooper shows the way.