The perfect day

A kiss on the cheek just before I start writing. Now that's just how perfect this day has been. Before I start sounding completely whacked out, let me give you my recommendation for today: love.

It has to be the best thing going in a world that gets crazier everyday. I don't know about you, but that special someone can make life seem so much better. Of course, as my better looking half points out, there are times when you just hope that things like knives and guns aren't within reach. The last thing you would want is to end up in jail for a crime of passion. I can just see the crime reporters out there rubbing their hands in glee. Since I am straight, the story becomes a single column. Sorry, you'll have to wait a bit for the next Pushkin to come along.

Hmm ... was that a bit insensitive. Dragging in a dead man -- even if he was murderered in spectacular fashion -- just to make a flippant point. Sheesh, sometimes I suprise my ability to be downright crude. I am going to miss the checks and balances of the newsroom.

Ok, no more writing .. I have someone right next to me demanding attention.

Last post from HT

I started writing this and was called away almost immediately. Anyway, here it is. My last post from HT. I will spend all of tomorrow unemployed. And the day after I hit television.

See you on the boob tube.

Greek is nice!

I love eating, something that is obvious to anyone who knows me and my 36-inch waist. But, I rarely write food reviews, well I have sometimes for the publication I work for. FYood writing is an intricate art, and something that cannot be learnt by eating only at five star hotels all the time (VS) or by just eating all the time (most of the others). The problem with food writers is that they don't usually have well developed taste-buds so a grilled chicken tastes the same to them as a baked chicken, and of course you can't write against the people who put food on the table. That is why I love the writings of AA Gill in the London Times, firrstly he pays for the food himselff (his newspaper does) and he just writes as he sees it. In India on the other hand, journos go out of their way to be obnoxious and expect super pronto service at the cost of paying patrons. Of course, which Indian newspaper will foot a Rs 3k bill when the journalist reviewing the food gets Rs 30k a month (post-DNA), maybe less (in Delhi).
Anyway, I'm writing this to say that I had a really nice meal at this new place called 'Its Greek To Me'. Its at Safdarjung Enclave on the Deer Park road beside the HDFC Bank. Really really good food, and despite it being a little steep at around Rs 600-700 a head (with a drink) the Baked Chicken Valikanos, Chicken Mykanos and Moussaka are really good. Fully reccomended by yours truly. For Snakeman, the lesson is, nothing stimulates your writing more than a great meal and maybe a joint of good Malana Cream.
Bliss... But I wanna sleep.

200 hits and Friday night linx

There have been over two hundred hits on this blog today and there is an hour still to go. Subtracting my ten hits, the blog should still cross 200 today, and with renewed activity from Naren, this is rather happeniung part of the global blogosphere. Even though I think I will get into trouble for blogging so much. But blogging is becoming addictive, its nice when people drop by and leave comments, OK, so most of these people are as vela as I am but what the heck. And so what if half the visitors here Googled for Bollywood gossip, its still cool. I'm kicked about this.
Here is some Friday night goodies, and why am I at home tonight, well I made friends with a bottle of Black and White last night and I am still recovering, I'll catch a movie tonight on the DVD. Thinking of All About My Mother or maybe I'll watch Hero again.

Nice Nintendo keychains, I really like the Mario One!

A great story on Wired News about the birth of Google!

Blind 17-year old is a pro at.... Video Games!

Flash poetry (ubercool)

You know the Japs are weird - but this? Expect robotic sex toys in three years!

These guys have some really neat furniture, I like the low-res chair lots!

Don't think HDFC or ICICI will have these anytime soon!

The Razer Copperhead - the coolest and fastest mouse on Earth!

Anyway its getting late now!

Identity Krisis

There are two people writing here. The regular writer likes to be referred to as a single alphabet. The recently resurgent writer has an entire name.

But, there are similarities. We are both Indian male journalists with some Bengali blood. And neither of us is terribly proud about that last bit. Oh yes, K used to work for the HT and in another 55 hours or so, I will be able to say the same.

The number of hits in the last 24 hours aren't surprising. Run down K and you have hits galore. I suggest that as a recipe for the comments as well ... make that komments.

Though, to be frank, this whole K thing is a little freaky. The only other person who loves this alphabet as much is Ekta Kapoor of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi fame. The fact that we are continuously using the letter K in our posts -- and the attendant success -- makes me believe that all the jokes I have cracked about her having a kildo instead of a dildo may have been in bad taste. In fact, may be this whole K-as-a-the-perfect-starting-letter thing isn't all bad.

So, is it time for me to eat krow and start each article with the letter K? Is it time for me to give only K headlines? Or in the case of TV, is it time for me to only work with channels and on shows that also have names beginning with the letter K?

When I was in primary school, the kid next to me could never prounouce the word question -- he would always go koo-sh-chun. He's a multi-millionaire now. He has two houses in Jaipur, a fleet of cars, a flat in New York and offices in a dozen countries. And none of it because of his dad. Before any of the women here ask for his name, address, phone number, email and vital statistics, let me quickly add he just got married to a girl he's known since he was 15. And no, he's not the kind who likes a little spice on the side.

And though he did have his problems with calling a question a question, he didn't really use K in any other part of his life. His profession begins with a J -- no, he's not a journalist; his name begins with a G -- no, he's not a Gandu; and the letter K doesn't pop up anywhere in his company's name either.

So Ekta Kapoor really does have a thing for kildo's and our K just might be what she ordered. And he is going to Bombay.

'Nuff said.

A Konspiracy

I suddenly noticed that on the Statcounter, this blog got over 100 hits today. Yeah, increasing numbers are a ego boost, I'm puzzled what hordes of people see in this blog. Its quite a boring blog, other than the occasional times Snake Man goes batty. Anyway, I'm still in Delhi and have rebooked for Sunday evening now. Both single and double daddy are back, but both had to pull rank to get a seat (single daddy pulled MP having to get back to parliament gag and double daddy pulled Jain and Jain company gag). But Bombay is a resilient city, the Sensex (despite ONGC - which has a 18 per cent weightage on the index) is shooting up. While the energy major is down three and a half percent the Sensex is flirting with 7700. All this while TV18's scrip collapses for no apparent reason.
Talking about Bombay, tomorrow is the big day - DNA after months of tittle and tattle and non-existent planning and hiring is finally hitting stands. Jain and Jain editors and management have had crisis meetings over the past few days, yet there is a belief now that DNA is hitting Bombay at a very bad time. Because I doubt the city wants to know of another scoop while it limps back to a sense of normality. Talking of Bombay's pain, it was surprising how the Delhi papers covered the news. While it was all over TV, and again I think NDTV did a great job, especially with the helicopter ride "with the flambouyant CEO of Raymond, Gautam Singhania" - as according to Sreenivasan Jain, the Delhi papers other than maybe ToI and the Hindu ignored the incident. The day the rains hit, HT carried the rains as a short twenty word brief, focussing instead on the non-existent tragedy created by evil communist leaders such as Gurudas Dasgupta and Brinda Karat. Express carried some pictures, but on the second day, HT decided to go ballistic on the ONGC story. I still think Mumbai's shutdown is a bigger story than ONGC because it directly impacts more people. Of course, ToI is a Bombay paper (and if the proprietor's wife and daughter are forced to spend a night at the airport, it will make P1 for sure).
Coming back to the HMSI case, I'm surprised that a old India hand like Yokihiro Aoshima, the boss of HMSI and thus the seniormost Honda exec in India could screw up like this. I knew there were warning signs of labour unrest when I met him three months ago, but he didn't get into that topic. Everything inside teh plant seemed hunky-dory. Yet, when a labour problem does explode, there is a proportion of blame that goes to the management. Of course, if evil communists desperate to lay waste to Indian industry (like they have successfully done in Kerela and West Bengal) get into the picture, it becomes worse. This problem was exasapated by the fact that Honda Motors hire idiotic Indians in management, because the Japs are control freaks and having dimwits around helps them exercise control.
Anyway, I have one request to people who hit this blog a lot, leave some comments once in a while.
EDIT : Bonatellis has written a very interesting post about his experiences of the Mumbai Floods.

How do you feel?

In another 72 hours -- if we manage to stick to deadlines -- I cease to be an employee of the best newspaper in the country. Before the death threats start pouring in from my friends in the Express and the Hindu, let me define "best". My friends in the ToI can jump into the nearest well with all their death threats. My friends in DNA ... hello.

It's been a dream run from me. From being an obscure stringer in a city where HT has a circulation of maybe 10,000 copies to working for the Sunday Bureau in Delhi, I have enjoyed a run of luck that, most of you will agree with this, cannot last forever.

O, unknown blog reader who doesn't know me from Adam, you already know this. There are few things in life as exciting as a run of luck. A time when it seems the world is conspiring to help you race from one milestone to the next. Where every leap seems more impossible and paradoxically easier.

I have worked for no other newspaper -- if you don't count the one week I spent with Dainik Bhaskar -- so I know no other newspaper, which is why this has to be the best -- you see, this is as good as it gets for me.

Oh, I almost worked for the ToI. But the better sense of the scariest editor in the world prevailed. Well, he's in Mumbai leaving me to my own devices and I'm off.

Television beckons. In a few months you might catch snatches of me -- specs, bad skin, wild hair, crooked ears and all -- asking strangers, "How do you feel?"

koming and koing

Koming and koing

K in kargo kshorts. There are better sights. Like the Jallianwala bagh massacre. Hey, even a Kumar Gaurav starrer from the eighties is a masterpiece worth admiring for hours kompared to k in kargo kshorts.

So, there I was at the airport seeing him off gleefully with only one thought: no more K in kargo kshorts. Wertti had come along to celebrate as well, but the sneaky k lured him over to the kark side with a cylindrical roll of unmentionable substances just when we were about to pop a bottle of fizzy fruit juice -- I wish you didn't have to wait for fruit juice to spoil for the fizz. It just takes the fun out of drinking it.

Digressions aside. K is still here. Gazing out at the city at large. Threatening to kick (notice the word begins with a k) me off the blog. Hah!

This kalls for a ksilent takeover. Double hah!

Fame

We are famous. You, K and I. Truly famous. The sort of famous that qualifies for statues and mentions in edit page articles. And this is going to appeal to the lazy exoskeleton we all have -- it's simply because of the times we live in.

However, (there had to be a but ...) to enjoy the well deserved perks of fame, you, K and I, will have to wait a bit. Have you even wondered what it was like for the average joe as the world changed around him just around, let's say, 0 BC, or 1917, or 1947 or pick any other year when "the times, they were a changin.'"

Well, the world is a changin' right now. We are alive at an inflexion point in history -- one of those interesting years when something happens for the first time. When history is made. Remember when man first went into space, when he first landed on the moon. Remember the first time Adam and Eve fucked. You WANT to be there don't you.

Fantasy -- of the mental sort, not the magazine -- allows us to live other lives. It has, at different points of time, let me be Superman, Batman, Neil Armstrong, John Lennon, a blade of grass (of the non narcotic variety) and so on ad nauseum.

It has also let me be the cool average joe -- the GI landing at Dunkirk, the man with the headset at Kennedy Space Centre, the jock flying the Blackbird over Red Russia ...

And now I know there are kids who will want to be me 50 years from now.

You, K and I have logged onto the Internet after 20 tries on a VSNL connection. You, K and I have used Netscape when people still had to pay for it. You, K and I have used email addresses that no longer exist, that used text based terminals, and never recieved spam. You, K and I have seen the birth of the World Wide Web.

And you, K and I are building the Internet of the future.

Pretty cool, eh.

Kevin Kelly, the co-founder of Wired, has written about the past, the present and the future here: We Are The Web.

Two kwik links of things that matter to me

I'm not a hopeless pothead journalist who sits on his computer and writes about non-existent problems. Nope, I love driving and I love playing video games. Heck, I'm gonna go get me a PlayStation2 in Bombay, I believe a modded slim PS2 is cheaper at Heera Panna than it is at Palika. And with games like Sould Calibur III coming along, I really need a console. Soul Calibur was my favourite game on the Dreamcast, brilliant gameplay and really a great game. Then came Soul calibur II, and despite the fact that only Japanese language versions were available in India, it kicked ass. And now the third in the series is going to be be wild.
1Up.com has a great preview of the game, and I'm still salivating!
Then there is the new Honda Civic. Even though the pictures released by Honda are for the hatchback, imagine a boot and then lots of these cars on Indian roads by 2006. That is if Honda stays on in India, because mad evil communists now want to throw them out, "We will ensure that the government puts the workers back in the plant" (actual quote courtesy Gurudas Dasgupta). Strange that they want them to invest in West Bengal though! I sincerely apologise for my creed, yes, we do eat too much fish.
The new 2006 Honda Civic.

News, news, news, read wonderful news.

For days on end journalists invent stories trying desperately to fill airtime or newsprint. We invent stories, call up some people, feed them quotes (which is easier to do than you believe) and put the story out. All in a regular days work. Well, I've done that, however lazier journalists never leave the office invent quotes out of thin air (print) call up friends (TV) put together a couple of Google searches, pull a entry from Wikipedia and voila - instant news.
However, the last 72 hours have been dramatic to say the least. First, evil communists determined to lay waste to India's new industrial heartland tried to attack the Haryana cops. Thankfully, bleeding heart liberal TV media (Oh my God, police brutality! Surprising that the Indian Express was the most balanced of all the newspapers, surprising given its usual pro-NHRC stand, realised that this incident was the fault of crazies like Gurudas Dasgupta - today he is trying to destroy the call centre industry by organising chakka jams- seriously this man should be put in a mental institute) had to start concentrating on Bombay once they realised that their colleagues were stuck at Mahim Causeway (if lucky) or walking 20 plus kilometers. Then yesterday, a shaken Mani Shankar Aiyar (who as you remember was last selling his ass to Lakshmi Mittal) announced that a platform on Bombay High was well sky-high! You couldn't get more news if you prayed for it, but TV newspersons are screwed because there is no way of getting back-up into Bombay. Well, there is now, but you still have to be mad to get into Bombay. I'm staying in dry Delhi (where the view from office is spectacular today) till Sunday.

Bombay under water...

Sreenivasan Jain's coup of getting aerial shots of the Mumbai shutdown is tremendousd. True, this was a deluge of biblical proportions and had I taken the morning flight I would be part of this mess just like Single and Double Daddy. The pictures are tremendous - especially on NDTV (all three channels) and Star News and the aerial shots were like- Whoa! Bombay airport is like a lake, Juhu heliport has become a lake. This is wild, and boy I'm lucky. That said, while its obvious that NDTV scored big time with footage, some of the people they interviewed were oddballs (save Aamir Khan) the women who says 'Air India Sucks', well, the sad fact of life is that there is not much people can do, even airlines, and that includes hotel rooms, I'm sure that BA, Lufthansa and the lot would have aslso left passengers high and dry. Planes are all out of sync (with fouty planes stuck on the tarmac of Mumbai) not much to do, if you can afford to make your own arrangements do that, don't expect anything else.

Bombay cancelled.. temporarily.

The airport in Delhi is a mess, with people desperate to go to Bombay (especially the Air Deccan, SpiceJet sods, whose refunds will get them nowhere - and better still they get shafted when they cancel their return tickets also.) There is not much that people can do, both single and double daddy are in Bombay (and stuck). Dad who had gone to interview a Bolywood Star spent six hours to get from Lower Parel to Taj Lands End. The scene is really bad in India's commercial hub. I'll go back to work in Delhi tomorrow, it makes no sense to travel before Sunday. Anyway, I've been surfing the web today, and I've got some really funny links.
Cocaine Search?
International Gorillay, a classic 1990 Lollywood movie about Salman Rushdie. See the clip it is hila-fucking-larious!
This picture comes from a great collection of labels that were used as labels on bags of marijuana. I wish someonme made pudiya's with these instead of using old newspapers. Pretty funny and great art.
Lots of nice Macromedia Shockwave shorts.
Japanese Condom Art!!!!
The legend of Ninja Jesus
The world stupidity awards!
This is a great BBC short film of a woman holding up a sperm bank.
More later!

Still in Delhi

Welkl, I tried to fly to Bombay, but Bombay is currently one giant drain. All flights cancelled, four Indian Airlines flights from Delhi to Mumbai, including mine IC863 had the term 'Cancelled' next to them, well I'm going day after now, since all flights seem to be cancelled tomorrow too. In a way its a good thing, and in a way its not. I guess I'll go back to work here tomorrow, since I really don't know what else to do, I've packed, already bid tearful adieu's and done everything else. It feels strangely surreal to be back home right now.

Gurgaon Riots

I'll take a contrarian capitalist view over here. Its a bloody good thing that the Haryana cops trashed the living daylights out of the Honda workers. Why? Firstly, these illiterate folk have been organised by evil communists and communists are evil, end of theory, no thats an idiom. No honestly, why were these workers fired - because they were lazy. I'm sorry, but when NDTV's bleeding heart reporters go on the 'without a job' story it makes me sick. Honda has over the last twenty years been one of the largest single foreign investors in India. Sure, it has made its money back from Hero Honda, buts lets be honest, without Hero Honda motorcycles Indian roads would very likely not be the way they are. We would have still had to deal with ratty old Bajaj Chetak scooters. Hero Honda motorcycles with their lean burn technology and ride comfort redefined personal mobility in India (I mean it was walking before that rioght?). Of the protestors, only around half were workers, the rtest were just luchhe lafange, pe4ople with nothing better to do. This is not a sarkari job, I'm glad Hindustan Times fired their lazy unionistas, and Honda Motors wants to fire their unionistas as well. Union leaders over here see Unions as a backdoor into politics and hardly ever do anything for their workers - just look at Hindustan Times and the Mumbai Mill wokers. Their leaders were involved in politics that they forgot their members. I don't think Unions are a bad thing, well not in the way WalMart thinks that unions are bad. One of the most heavily unionised corporations in the world is SouthWest Airlines in the US, the world largest and most successful low-cost carriers. While Unions have driven the large US carriers to the ground, SouthWest has become the fourth largest carrier in the US with a fleet of 450 aircraft and a workforce nearly completely unionised. Yet, they have had over 100 consecutive quarters of profits (for a US airline thats amazing!) and tremendous worker peace. That said, what happened in Haryana yesterday was importand to tell the Gurudas Dasgupta's of the world to lay off and let capitalism take hold, unions have destroyed many Indian companies (ask the Birla's) and we are a country that needs foreign investment (from more Japanese companies - Honda Motors has invested Rs 800 crore to date and plans to invest another Rs 800 crore - thats $300 million in all money that Indian could do with). Anyway, more later.

Last Day in Delhi.

After five years of bumming around Delhi through three different jobs and six different designations, I finally leave for a different city tomorrow. It could have been different - if for example I didn't screw up six (yes, six!) interviews from the IIM's and XLRI in 2000 and 2001 or had actually given my GMAT in 2002. It could have been different if the girl I loved then loved me too. It could have been different had I decided to go to some other college rather than St. Stephen's (and then not stayed in Rez), maybe things might have turned out completely differently had my parents marriage not broken up or even if my admission into St. Columba's School. There are way too many variables, but the end result is that I am here, working as a journalist and quite happy doing that, so far. I can still give my GMAT, I do have a friendgirl who genuinely likes, maybe even loves me, (lets not get into relationship dynamics now, too complicated) and I want to go to Bombay. Don't get me wrong, I've lived in Delhi since 1987, I'm more Delhi-ite (aka Punjabi) than Bengali, I love this city, I love the roads, the trees, the fact that the hills are so close by. But I want to live somewhere else and experience something else. Do I feel strange leaving.
I've collected some 1000 odd visiting cards in the last four years, most of them must be redundant, but still it feels trange that I actually met and exchanged cards with so many people in the last four years (ignoring the rather facile nature of my first job). I've worked for absolute assholes, hipocrites, motherf***ers, but I like my current crop of bosses. I mean, I have my issues with them at times, but I like the place, especially #1 and #2. I just hope the guys in Bombay are as good.
My lives savings are zilch, I have a few thousand bucks owed to Citibank for my Credit Card, in Bombay I'll get paid jackshit (well, considering I'll be running my own set-up), but I guess I'll work my way up. Anyway, I bought new underwear and socks (as well as a new pair of Jeans) so things should be decent on the hygiene front at least for a short time.
But first, I have to find a house. And somehow not get butterflies in my stomach about leaving Delhi. I know I'll come running back here if things don't work out, so be prepared for that. About this blog, hmmm, I'll do to make some template changes I guess, chuck Naren out since he hardly posts and may become a bit irregular until I get a laptop or something. Lets see.

Packing and a visit to the temple.

I started packing today, not taking too much to start with, just loads of clothes, some shoes and a few books. I'll take provisions when I come back to Delhi next month to pick up the Alto. I also went to Kali Bari at CR Park today morning, as it was 13 days sisnce my grand-dad passed away and we had to offer prayers. This also means that Mom will be coming back into town after a long time.
I'm a temple person, but I guess once in a wehile it is a decent thing to do. I mean it keeps Mom happy. Friendgirl also insists that I go to the temple every once in a while. Anyway, after spending a lot of time with Friendgirl, she decided (for me) to go shopping. Went to a sale at Westside where I acquired a nice pair of Lee Jeans for a decent price. But, I was flabbergasted at the number of people shopping, it was insane. No wonder people are building malls like crazy.
I went back to watch the Formula One race today and for the second time on German soil, Kimi Raikkonen had awful luck. He should have by all rights won the German GP, instead Fernando Alonso won and stamped his name on the drivers championship this year. But, the star of the race for me was Juan Pablo Montoya who came from last position on the grid to second. Great drive.
Lets not get started on Narain (now say NA-RA-YAN not NA-REN). True he has possibly the worst car on the grid in the Jordan Toyota. But if the Toyota engine can get Jarno Trulli to the podium, why can't Jordan do something. After all, I believe the Jordan team is also owned by a Russian billionaire (like Chelski) so built a good car. But, even if they do build a good car, Narain will spin it and then call up his Indian journalist cronies and cry 'Bad luck, bad car, poor me.' You might say I'm being rough on the chap, no I'm not - there is no way in hell Narain could defend what he did in the US Grand Prix, sure he raced because his team decided to, but he defended that action - and for that those five points he has are worthless. Get it straight, Narain will not succeed in F1 (Alonso is six years younger than him, Kimi seven) he might potter along as long as sponsors buy him a seat, but honestly, its a waste of money. Amaron batteries can make a lot more much nicer Claymation adverts than sponsor Narin.
On another note, my Alto has no pickup. Climbing up a flyover it feels like you've added a lead weight to its backside. With the AC on, its like awful. But it gives me great milage and I shouldn't really complain since the car is so cheap. Anyway, you can't drive too fast in Bombay anyway.
Plus after seeing the pictures in the papers today - Is Mani Shankra Aiyar Lakshmi Mittal's bitch? Because after that picture, I've got grave doubts about our Petroleum Minister, I wonder if il diplomacy means more than just money? But then again if India's oil security has to gained by selling people's asses, so be it. It's Mani Aiyar's ass anyway.

DD rocks!

In the good old days when there was only one channel on TV, Tejeshwar Singh with his impeccable english read the news, unlike people nowadays. The days of yore! Anyway, in those times DoorDarshan used to run a seven minute long cartoon film to teach the virtues of Unity to Indian kids called 'ek chidiya, anek chidiya'. Anyway, I got a WMV file of this in my inbox recently, and I thought that I would upload it. Its available for download from Rapidshare after I uploaded it (anyone know of alternative download links?). Just click the 'Free' choice and go to the end of the next page that appears and download. It is about 3.5 megs, so it shouldn't take too long. Also just edited the page, because I discovered a screw-up in my Technorati account, changed account removed screw-up.

Indian Cayenne.

I have to double-check the number of Porsche Cayenne's sold in India, someone who met my boss claims that over 70 have been sold in Delhi alone. My sources tell me 15, but I will just call up and ask the dealer, even though 70 seems like a bit much, given that the car was launched only eight-odd months ago. This means that Porsche has sold almost as many Cayenne's as Maruti has sold Grand Vitara's in the last year, and keep in mind that the Porsche is even thirstier than the Vitara. I also hear that General Motors is thinking about getting that extreme symbol of political incorrectness and environmental destrctionism - the Hummer H2 into India, I am sure Salman will buy one to run over people in Bandra. talking of Salman and running over people, I remember when the man ran over those three (or four, correct me) beggars in Bandra, he said that the brakes on his Toyota Landcruiser had failed. This went back to Japan and got Toyota in a tizzy, without the Mumbai Police asking (and the Mumbai Police asks things like wanting Mallika to give them 'the clip' to 'study' the evidence) Toyota sent a team of engineers to examine the car (which became a tourist attraction by itself as it lay parked outside Bandra PS) and they said nothing of the sort had happened, the Landcruiser, a Toyota exec told me had three redundant braking systems which can survive Antractica, the Sahara and the wetlands of the Amazon without a glitch even going 50,000k's before seeing a service centre. So them failing is kind of like claiming that the voice on 'the tape' isn't his.
Back to Cayenne, one of the first Cayenne's in India went to that half-gutted political wheeler-dealer Amar Singh. Now, Amar Singh's sole saving grace is that he ripped apart Suhel Seth in a HT edit page column. However, since I spent some of the last few days talking to a close friend who happens to be a 'thakkar' UP Thakur, I see Amar Singh has been sleeping too much with the enemy - ie: Mulayam Singh Yadav. UP Thakurs have always been ashamed that one of their own (Krishna, he who was the god y'know) who was brought up by 'doodhwallas' forsook them, and actually helped in the destruction of one of the main Kshatriya clans - the Kuru's aka the Chandravanshi's. Now back to the present time, Amar Singh has supposedly gifted (sold, is the term used) his Cayenne to Akhilesh Yadav, Mulayam's son. Friend claims that there is a dastardly plot to wipe out Akhilesh Yadav ongoing in Lucknow (something to do with Akhilesh lacking in the brains department and other extended family members of Mulayam wanting the son out of the way). Also, Mulayam recently offered 11 buffalo's in sacrifice in a pooja so that he could become Prime Minister one day. Now offering sacrifices is a major thing in Hinduism, and they usually do result in something, but since God's in the Hindu pantheon have a cruel sense of humour the results are usually not the intended ones. Wonder what that mean's for the Porsche Cayenne?
EDIT : Carrying on the freedom of media in the US and how sources are protected by the US Constituition's First Amendment, Pat Oliphant, the cartoonist for the New York Times has just printed a brilliant cartoon. After all Judith Miller, the woman journalist in jail is a NYT reporter. In India such a thing will never happen as all media (even one that advertises its brilliance just below the masthead everyday) is essentially beholden to publishers and vested interests.

I self confused...

Sometimes things start to disasterously wrong rather quickly, and you being an idiot take it forward. This does not mean I did several lines of cocaine last night, but I wouldn't have really objected to that, because certain people (not me) had the wherewithal and I was fucken out of bloody outer space (beyond the Van Kuiper belt sort of outer space) and then two of my closeest friends (one from school, the other from college) had to have the most out-of-worldly conversation I have ever heard in a long time. Don't get me wrong, these two chaps were having the most intellectually stimulating conversation in a long time - about Ashwathama (he is one of Hinduisms nine immortals but too many of you don't know the really interesting things about Hinduism) then they moved on the sense of being or not being - is there one aatma? Is all action ultimtaly directed by Shakti? Hmm. Very interesting, but I was way too much alcohol down to even get a word into the conversation.
Alcohol has suddenly re-entered my life in a big way. Second time this week I got pissed drunk, this time with Towelman Chyma in tow, which meant that TGIF loved us. And offered us two rounds of Tequila for the price of one. Its not exactly a great idea to do Tequila shots on a weeknight, after you're already very drunk, and at 12 at night its near suicidal. Not for me, but its a bad idea nonetheless, and sadly there was no female quotient to this group (other than the Chinky that Adsomus Rex was eyeing throughout the evening) its a really bad idea. Nope, but Towelman, had a rock-star epiphany suddenly and we had to imbibe two shots of Tequila each. We punished TGIF (I punished to be more precise, because I still haven't forgiven them for chucking me out of the CP outlet cause I was making out with this cute girl in the corridor leading to the loo) by whacking some shot glasses. We tried whacking eight (out of ten, and one glass broke) but they caught us and we returned three. Serve them bloody right. Quite amazing my collection of accessories whacked from bars - ashtrays, glasses, spoons, coasters - Shades even whacked a Fosters bar mat and one of those glass balls from Buzz. We are all hardcore Kleptomaniacs.
On another note, I've discovered that a lot of a people visit this blog searching for the meaning of the word 'Chutiya' thanks to a post I wrote back in January. Now, that was written after Snake man came out with a huge theory about what is better - being a Chutiya or a Gaandu. Anyway, to be honest, after spending the majority of the last eighteen years of my life in Delhi and going to a all-boys school (the best place to learn cuss words), i'll make it simple - Chutiya would relate closest to the Western abuse 'Pussy', Gaandu would translate, well sort of anyway into 'Asshole'. Anyway, as I've said this is a relatively family safe blog and you know I do't want to become like Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
Anyway, someone told me that I haven't been posting a lot of links lately, well here are some interesting things I picked up from the internet lately. And it IS a Friday, so I will post again.
Womens Pro Wrestling in Bolivia. Weird!
Mutant Fish!
New Bomb!
Sausage Rugs (taste bad!)
anyway more later, I have to work.

Lolly Sherawat?

ToI today carriers a story saying how they have tracked down the Mallika Sherawat lookalike. More like how Mallika Sherawat has tracked down this Latina hottie called 'Lolly'. In Mallika Sherawat's defence, something that I loathe to do, but I will, there is a surpring similarity between Lolly and Mallika. But, as I have said before, what did Mallika do between Jet Airways and Mahesh Bhatt? See, who says my blog isn't gossipy?

Said image is of Lolly. Please notice similarities to Mizz Lamba. But you have to admire American porno, they have good looking actresses Not like the stuff you get in India - the latest being the Lakshmi Nagar 'Kaand' from Delhi of a plump woman who would not get a second look on the street now becoming hot property, as is the camera phone 'home video' of a couple in Gurgaon, and the infra-red imagery of the Mysore scandal is legendary. Yet, we still can't find any decent quality professional porno, Mahesh Bhatt are you listening? Before you say, we want more pictures of Miss Lolly Sherawat (hmmm, I still dunno), this is a family-friendly blog, and it seems that Lolly has a bad habit of losing her clothes quite often. One or two curse words aside.
On another note, as I am about to become a hallowed member of the working classes in the Big Guava. And thus will give up the luxury of morning tea. Damn! Two more days of work to go in Delhi. Also several cases of beer still to go. Anyway, now back to work.

Blogs away....

I don't know how many Indian bloggers have heard of Rafat Ali, he is the Publisher and Editor of a website called PaidContent and what is really surprising is that not only does the blog make money and has become a media entity in its own right (Five employees), because it is a must read for characters like Nick Denton of Gawker but something a colleague of mine just told me.
It seems Rafat Ali used to work at A&M, you know that really nice magazine that used to come out in the 90's. And is was a load better than that crappy Brand Reporter or Pitch shit that lands up in office every once in a while. Come to think of it, the alarming regularity with which I read informative blogs such as Blogspotting, Gizmodo, Sploid or Jalopnik its quite amazing that I still read the papers or watch TV for that matter. The Internet usually has better pictures and faster news than any other medium. The day the London Bombings happened - there were better pictures available on FlickR than on the agencies. I don't know whether blogging will ever challenge mainstream media in India, but Jain and Jain did shut down Mediaah! a few months ago in an action that preceded Steve Jobs' attack on Apple bloggers a few months later. People do read blogs, and blogs are relatively honest and bloody opinionated. Just look at the tripe I write.
But where mainstream media does have an advantage is in getting access to people. I mean would Fatty Mallaya or Fatty Ambani ever meet me the blogger, Nope. I doubt they would meet me the reporter either, but there is still an off-chance that they might. That said, I could write scurrilous things about these gentlemen, well, difficult about Fatty A, but say about their womanising or drug usage and might even get away with it. Not that I am saying anything here, I would have to make another blog for that. Sure, I guess everybody can still be tracked down (IP anonymisers and blogs, hmmm?) but blogs are freer and heck, I just write without having to worry about that every ephemeral thing, "your average reader".
Who is this average reader? The latest NRS data shows that the average reader for all business publications happens to be a college graduate with a Monthly Household Income of under Rs 15,000. And we write about the good life. Weirder still, for example, a lot of ET's readers haven't even finished school, at least thats what the readership survey says. Even funnier, BS has a higher circulation than readership, and while Indian Express gains awards they too suffer the same problem. So you can't really trust these surveys can you? Not to say that my publication did badly in these surveys, they did very well in fact, but all these surveys are dubious. Look at the TAM ratings for TV, all the ads taken out by NDTV and CNBC (I'm bigger adverts) take a very specific demographic - SEC A+ 25-45 year old males watching between 2000-2200 hours for the week of whatever. Now, given that TAM possibly has one or two people like that in its nationwide survey group, that viewer can change very dramatically - because he thinks X anchor has better boobs. Even funnier, no matter how CNBC and NDTV slice, dice and present the data, Headlines Today always seems to do well, which is really surprising given the absense of breasts (and the presence of funny accents on that channel), but I guess the product must be rather popular among some people.
Talking about TV Channels, Sabse Tez, ie : Aaj Tak is celebrating its tenth birthday this year, and the celebration party supposedly includes the starting up of some new channels from the TV Today stable. NDTV is also starting some new channels including an 'entertainment' channel that will have hours of 'Night Out'. Brilliant! I think World Wrestling Entertainment is more exciting. Whatever happened to Set-Top Boxes which would allow me to choose the channels that I want to watch? Instead I'm fed channels by a greedy cable operator who changes channels every two minutes. No wonder I surf the net so much. Blogs are more fun than watching TV, even on election day. If one of the newspapers wanted to, an election blog from Bihar would be great, off-the-cuff, to the minute stories with booth capturers etc, even put up videoes unfit for TV online. But, wait a sec, this is Bihar where telephone connectivity is bad enough in Patna, broadband internet might be a bit much to ask for. But you never know.
Anyway, I have to do some story on live bands in Delhi, so I should get back to work.

Middle of the week

Last night, and I have no clue why I did this, I caught up with three fellow hacks, well Double-T does not calssify as a hack any longer since he does no work, and Snake man is moving on to TV (Rajdeep's channel), so it was basically Sharma and me. Well, Double-T and Snake man were around, but they were talking about pundits and dates and Monopoly. Maybe it was the effects of the 'Super Strong' Zingaro beer we were drinking. Again, I have no clue why we had Zingaro, maybe because I was tired of drinking Fat Man's glycerine-y thing called 'Kingfisher'. But Fat Man got as mention in the face-value section of The Economist, what the hell has gone wrong with Simon Long? (Hey, that rhymes) Next thing you know, the India correspondent for that fabled right-of-centre capitalist tome will be living it up in one of Fatty's parties with semi-naked women and all, I'm jealous.
Kinda like the party-man Thomas Friedman, you know the NYT Foreign Affairs columnist, who came down for Nandan Nilekani's (Friedman's new best friend, now that Arafat is dead) birthday, where incidentally Nandan's wife Rohini Nilekani organised a band to play Simon and Garfunkel's songs for Nandan. I knew the man had bad taste in shoes, clothes and cars. But Simon and Garfunkel, ouch! I'm not saying that Nandan should shake his bootahay' to some 50 Cent or Eminem, but god, anyway to each his own. talking of music, I forgot my CD's at home yet again and discovered just how bad FM Radio is in Delhi - I had to hear Kajra Re some twenty times in the one hour it took me to commute, and now I would ordinarily go into my thesis about how crappy road traffic is in Delhi, but because I am moving to the 'Big Guava' as Livinghigh calls it, I will refrain.
Now, getting back into bitching mode, Bossman and Second-in-Command went to a dinner thrown by Nandan for editors recently. Now, I know that Number 2 is a very cynical man and hates stupidity, but my god if the things he said happened, I think Vinod Mehta should get his head checked. Given that he has been told to wait for an ambassadorship, because the Congress Government has enough mouthpieces already, it seems now he wants to promote the IT industry. Mr Mehta lamented the lack of a 'central cohesive body' to promote Indian IT and BPO's. Excuse me, isn't there something called NASSCOM?
Talking of editors, Single-Daddy (despite running a pro-BJP outfit) was one of the few papers to defend Manmohan's defence of the Raj. I quote, "It is an acknowledged fact of history that the British (sic!) were the best colonial rulers in the world." Hard to disagree, I mean they did loot and pillage India, but at least they left behind a cohesive state. Unlike say the French and Belgians who are responsible for the mess in Africa. The Belgians by far and away were the worst colonial rulers, if you ever get the time to read some classic literture once you finish HP 6, check out Joseph Konrad's Heart of Darkness. The movie Apocalypse Now, which is one of the best movies ever made about Vietnam was based around that great novel, which might even qualify as a short story. Try and get a copy of Coppola's Director's cut DVD which is rumored to be six hours long.
The papers today are rather boring, I talk papers, because I have given up watching News TV, I find that so incredibly vapid. Maybe thats what happens when you start working in a magazine. ToI did a story on Rahul Gandhi's speed fetish, I wonder if he also takes part in the NOX races that happen on the outskirts of Gurgaon? Well, so rest assured if Rahul Gandhi comes to power (which he will one day) not only will Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (do a Google and find out what I'm talking about) be lifted but at least decent roads will be built. And maybe Omni-man will be banned from the streets once and for all.
But I did find it peculiar that a bunch of VHP Sadhu's went to our President (aka Rocket Rani - really!) and told him that Muslim houses around the Ram Janmabhoomi/Babri Masjid area should be removed. Huh? The President is Muslim, boys. Smoke more pot, and if you want to build that temple, for gods sake redesign it. The current design looks like a pink montrosity. Imagine Hawa Mahal mixed in with Chattarpur temple. Ugh!
One of my friends recently told me that this blog isn't gossipy enough. By that she meant I didn't write on anyones personal lives. OK, everybody is screwing everybody. Literally! Imagine every single bloody permutation and combination of friends you can find and then you discover that they're having sex, some of them even in office. Which makes for very interesting coffee table conversation as you can imagine. And some of them don't use protection, which is stupid. But, thats not the point of this blog, that would have been the point of a blog I would have written ten years ago, when I was 16, no wait, that blog would have been about me getting action. I find peoples lives dreary sometimes, good to write a novel, not a blog.
That reminds me, I should write a novel, after all the wanna-be novelist Psycho-Somatic is bunking up at my place today and tomorrow. Which means I'll probaly go nuts. Thanks for reading!

Menu's

You read it here first. Since bossman is making do all his download work for him, I get no time at home and because I have suddenly been told to write an article (with my immense expertise on this matter) on the Delhi MMS porn obssession, in addition to writing about various Bombay bsuinessmen all while packing for Bombay (and trying to get as much THC into my system before I get there - I am not going to smoke Bombay Black again). This is while Wertti that SOB is watching movies and not working, I really should snitch on that bastard. He gets paid more than me and doesn't work and he is a journalist.
On the Ash-Salman-Mastrubating Preity scandal there is massive new evidence. Maybe. This J Dey character is the samre journo that Pocket Hercules (aka shirtless wonder) had bashed up (not before Day Dey got in the first shot) a few years ago. Hmmm, revenge and how. Well, I still maintain that Man-Boobs should be sent to a Mental Asylum.
Anyway, point being I'm too stressed out to write, so I'll do a cut and paste again, read on to see what the Bushes fed the Singhs. And why do Manmohan and Missus look so freaking dumpy. I mean, one billion people and we made a fugly (and missus fugly) into our PM. Well, lots of Doctors and fatty Ambani, sneaky Mr T and Nandan

Guests and menu at the White House dinner given by President and Mrs. Bush for Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and Mrs. Gursharan Kaur, as released by the White House:

Chilled Asparagus Soup
Lemon Creme
Chappellet Chardonnay Napa Valley 2003
Pan-roasted Halibut
Ginger-Carrot Butter
Basmati Rice with Pistachios and Currants
Herbed Summer Vegetables
Trio of Celery Hearts, Leaves and Roots
Hartford Court Pinot Noir Arrendell 2002
Salad of Bibb Lettuces
Citrus Vinaigrette
Lotus Blossom
Mango, Chocolate-Cardamom and Cashew
Ice Creams
Mer Soleil Late 2001

Guest List

Ranendra Sen, Ambassador of India to the U.S., and Kalpana Sen
K. Natwar Singh, Indian Minister of External Affairs
Dr. Montek Singh Ahluwalia, Deputy Chairman, India Planning Commission
Prithviraj Chavan, Indian Minister of State
Mayankote Kelath Narayanan, Indian National Security Adviser
Thottuvelil Krishna Aiyappan Nair, Principal Secretary to the Indian Prime Minister
Shyam Saran, Indian Foreign Secretary
Ratan Tata, Chairman, Tata Sons
Mukesh Ambani, Group Chairman, Reliance Industries
Nandan Nilekani, President and CEO, Infosys Technologies
Durga Agrawal, President, Piping Technology and Products, and Sushila Agrawal
B.N. Bahadur, Chairman and CEO, B.B.K. Limited, and Rani Bahadur
Fred Barnes, The Weekly Standard executive editor, and Barbara Barnes
Subha Barry, First Vice President, Merrill Lynch, Multicultural and Diversified Business, and James Barry
Energy Secretary Samuel W. Bodman and M. Diane Bodman
Dr. Amar Bose, Chairman of the Board and CEO, Bose Corp., and Ursula Bose
David Brooks, columnist, The New York Times, and Jane Hughes
Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kan.
R. Nicholas Burns, Undersecretary of State for Political Affairs, and Elizabeth Baylies
Andrew H. Card Jr., Presidential Chief of Staff, and Kathleene B. Card
Dr. Praveen Chaudhari, Director, Brookhaven National Laboratory, and Karin Chaudhari
Vice President Dick Cheney and Lynne Cheney
Brandon Chillar, St. Louis Rams linebacker, and father, Ram Chillar
J.D. Crouch, Deputy National Security Adviser, and Kristin Crouch
Rep. Tom DeLay, R-Texas, and Thomas Abraham, Councilman-at-Large, Sugar Land, Texas
Dr. Ravindra Desai, ENT Surgeon, and Lalita Desai
Dr. Vishakha N. Desai, President, Asia Society, and Dr. Robert Oxnam
Donald B. Ensenat, U.S. Chief of Protocol, and Taylor Ensenat
Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., and Richard C. Blum
Douglas Feith, Defense Undersecretary for Policy, and Yana Feith
Raghubir Goyal, White House correspondent, India Globe and Asia Today, and Dr. Jai Narain Gupta
Michael J. Green, Senior Director for East Asian Affairs, National Security Council, and Eileen Pennington
Commerce Secretary Carlos M. Gutierrez and Edilia Gutierrez
Stephen J. Hadley, national security adviser, and Ann Hadley
Dr. Shabbir Hashim, owner, Westgate Dental Arts, and Arwa S. Hashim
Allan B. Hubbard, National Economic Council director, and Kathryn Hubbard
Jeffrey Immelt, Chairman and CEO, General Electric Co., and Andrea Immelt
Rep. Bobby Jindal, R-La., and Supriya Jindal
Farooq Kathwari, Chairman, President and CEO, Ethan Allen Inc., and Farida Kathwari
Brett Kavanaugh, assistant to the President, and Ashley Kavanaugh
Dr. Sharad Lakhanpal, past president of the American Association of Physicians of Indian Origin, and Rashmi Lakhanpal
I. Lewis Libby, chief of staff to the Vice President, and Harriet Grant
Tom Loeffler, Senior Partner, Loeffler Tuggey Pauerstein and Rosenthal LLP, and Nancy Loeffler
Sen. Richard G. Lugar, R-Ind., and Char Lugar
The Rev. Dr. Bernard Malik, President, Federation of Indian American Christian Organizations of North America, and Abraham P. Mammen, Vice President, FIACONA
Dr. Srini Malini, radiologist, and niece Arathi Narasimhan
Anita McBride, Chief of Staff to the First Lady
Timothy J. McBride, Senior Vice President, Freddie Mac
David McCullough, author, and Rosalee McCullough
W. James McNerney Jr., Chairman, President and CEO, The Boeing Co.
David C. Mulford, American Ambassador to India, and Jeannie Mulford
Mrs. Indra Nooyi, President and CFO, PepsiCo Inc., and Raj Nooyi
Gen. Peter Pace, Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and Lynne Pace
Rep. Frank Pallone Jr., D-N.J.
Sarah Perot, wife of Ross Perot Jr.
Jerome M. Fullinwider, Chairman, VF-Russia Inc.
Robert Portman, United States Trade Representative, and Jane Portman
Dr. Julian Raby, director, Freer Gallery of Art and Arthur M. Sackler Gallery, and Lorna Raby
Narender Reddy, President, Sterling Realty Services Inc., and Sikiu Yepes
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
Christina B. Rocca, Assistant Secretary of State for South Asian Affairs, and Gordon L. Rocca
Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and Joyce Rumsfeld
Laurence H. Silberman, Senior Judge, U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit, and Rosalie Silberman
Dr. Rajwant Singh, National Chairman, Sikh Council on Religion and Education, and Balbinder Kaur
Bob Stevens, Chairman, President and CEO, Lockheed Martin Corp., and Michelle Stevens
J.W. Stewart Jr., CEO and Chairman, BJ Services, and Anne Stewart
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and Virginia Thomas
Raj Vattikuti, President and CEO, Covansys Corp., and Padmaja Vattikuti
Dr. Raghavendra Vijayanagar, Senior Partner, Gulf to Bay Cardiovascular Surgical Associates, and Kathleen M. Vijayanagar
Commander Sunita Lyn Williams, astronaut, and Michael Williams
World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz
Dr. Mammen Zachariah, Medical Director of Interventional Cardiology, Fort Lauderdale Heart Institute, and Molly Zachariah
Dr. Zach Zachariah, President, Fort Lauderdale Heart Institute, and son Alexander Zachariah

The last week of work in Delhi begins.

Self-explanatory title, at the end of this week I pack my bags and head for the city where film actresses mastrubate on the floor, where the underworld rules everything and where millions of Delhi-ites go to fulfill their rather escoteric dreams. As for me, I have no dreams, just a desire to learn something about how India's financial sector works. So, not that this week is going to be any different for any week before, but after four years of covering the corporate world in Delhi, I know that I'll miss this city. Heck, I'll miss the eye-candy that PR chicks provided after a bad day of work, but then again, I'm going to Bombay where there is eye-candy galore, sorry to be sexist here, but at least I'm being honest.
Anyway, I was reading The Economic Times today morning, because I must, not because I particularly enjoy it and noticed a strange article in Page 3, where Lalu Yadav, that lovable old buffon/idiotic hate mongerer says something to the effect that Salman Khan and Siwan MP Shahabuddin are being persecuted because they are members of the 'minority' community. Thanks to the weirdness of Indiatimes, I can't find the link, and nor do I have time to do all that. OK, firstly, before people accuse me of being communal, I'll just state this much, this statement is as similar to Mayawati saying that she was being prosecuted for almost selling the Taj because she was a lower caste. So therefore according to Laloo, womanising, threatening and killing is fine because these two individuals were of a particular community. Vote-bank politics? I guess so, but people like Laloo who please the liberal elements of the media (Read : Famous womanising son of famous Indian cricketer who is about to start own news channel) by his buffonery are dangerous elements. Can you imagine what would have happened to India had the man been running the country? The thought is frightening. Imagine the population boom. (Must let go of mental projection of Laloo and Rabri copulating, ugh!)
Talking about sex, I saw the first episode of 'Desperate Housewives' yesterday. It was a pretty good, though slightly 'gay' show. And Eva Longoria is HOT. Expect Zee to copy the show in three months with women wearing elaborate bindi's - the sluttier the woman the more the eye-shadow. Given that I don't watch desi-serials, I don't know that much so forgive my ignorance.
On another note, tax-skipping bastards tobacco molopolistic company ITC have today increased the price of a packet of Classic Milds to Rs 65. Even though, this means that a packet of decent Indian cigarettes costs only US$1.50, nothing like the $6.50 I paid for a pack of Camel's in Boston (lets not get to the depressing prices in Manhattan, but you hardly smoke on the island anyway), the price hike has left me depressed. The bastards!
The Guardian is running a contest wherein people write out Dumbledore's death in the style of another writer. Thanks Colin!
On a final note - lets go back to the Ash-Salman-Preity controversy, because that is a sure way of entertaining readers - and unlike TV Channels we can use terms like 'mastrubate' 'fuck' etc etc. Aishwariya Rai, who has screwed everybody in Bollywood according to Pocket Hercules breaks her silence.
"I cannot comment on any of the content in the tape or the ensuing debates and discussions on them. The matter has been taken over by the law. Let the legal system take its course. I've nothing to say about an association that ended a long time ago."
In another language - Salman is guilty as hell and I want to see him inside a jail (she never said that, but you get the picture). Of course, if Laloo has his way, that will never happen.

Make up your own mind.

I'll tell you guys what, after people mailing me and asking "Yaar, is it HER?" I decided to use my minimal photo-editing skills and do a screengrab. This is for my few sexually-starved/voyueristic/confused readers (and the few serious ones), and people who do Google Search after Google search and hope to find the clip here, is a close up of Mallika Sherawat (?) in the controversial video. Now manke up your own minds if its her or not. Post comments on the issue.

Interestingly, now we hear that some Bollywood stars do camcorder action (Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee style) as well. Expect more hilarity as the entire country starts chasing badly made sex clips.
The clip is widely available online, and no matter what Mallika Sherawat does, its beyond her control. The American Music industry is still trying to get around file-sharing, I doubt a Bollywood/Porno actress can.
Tomorrow - Mallika goes to the National Commission for Human Rights. Indian Express laments the rise of porno, Times of India (via Delhi/Bombay Times) starts doing a Today and printing 'mildly explicit' photographs. Hindustan Times starts writing on the rise of sex and the underworld. And Mid-Day prints the names. Fun! I wonder when they start of the sex lives of cricketers - because that I do want to read!

Bollywood sex and more...

Well well well, it turns out that Mallika Sherawat is doing a Anara Gupta, she has gone to the National Commission for Women complaining about the 'ashleel' MMS. Hmmm... Honestly, after some expert analysis by quite a few people yesterday, including some girls - that is Mallika Sherawat in that video, just like it was Anara Gupta it the earlier video. It was definately not recorded on a phone, it was a pro-recording, so one wonders what the heck Mallika was doing before she became a top Bollywood actress - Maybe she was a porno actress in the West. I don't think there needs to be a maybe anymore. I mean after she was a Jet Airways air-hostess and before she became a Bollywood actress - this is a pretty long gap. And a lot of things might have happened.
I believe when someone approaches the NCW in a case like this - they are also proclaiming their guilt. It cannot be a 'morph' as Mallika claims because that level of CG expertise even Hollywood doesn't have. And it would take a hardcore obsessive compulsive guy to sit and change 24 frames a second (OK, only the frames with her face) for eight and a half minutes. That is alter the face, change every facial movement - perfectly. No way, Jose. Unless of course there is a Mallika Sherawat lookalike in the porn industry. By lookalike, I mean TWIN. But the the speed with which Mallika Sherawat changes names you never know. I wonder what her porno nom de plume was - Mummika Lamba?
Therefore, one of Bollywood's biggest heroines is a former porno actress. Big Deal. From yesterday's conversation transcript it seems that Ms Preity Zinta does a lot of strange things. Kinky chick. And another Bollywood actress (we have Salman to believe here) goes screwing around with everything.

Serious Shit!

I found this at Mid-Day. To store it for posterity, in case Mid-Day is sued....

Tape Transcripts of the Salman-Aishwariya conversations

"Ash: Don’t you ‘dare’ me!
SK: Don’t you dare f**k with me, Ash.
SK: Put the phone down you f***ing bitch. F**k Aamir, F**k Aamir, F**k Aamir, F**k Aamir. You f***ing bitch. You f***king slut. F***k Abhishek. F***k Aamir. In your f***ing history. F***ing slut. Nobody has been f***ing like people have f***ked you. You f***king slut.
Ash: Like what?
SK: Put the phone down, it’s a mistake. It’s a mistake calling you up! It’s a mistake calling 100 people to get your number! It’s a mistake finding out how you are! By the time you come back, I am going to get married. F**k you, slut. You b***h. Are you Aishwarya Rai? Are you Aishwarya Rai?"


It gets better... Preity Zinta, she of the bubbly smile and nice ass is a Salamn-o-maniac. BIG TIME!


"SK: Aamir Khan chaat raha hai aur bhag gaya chheen ke. Akshay Khanna chat raha tha aur bhag gaya. He is sorry.
Ash: Sorry. Do you remember the good time we had watching Biwi Number 1?
SK: Who is interested in Aa Ab Laut Chale? You know I f**ked Preity Zinta on the sets of Chori Chori Chupke Chupke. Quite a f**k.
Ash: Don’t try to maro line.
SK: I don’t want that bitch’s number. I want your number.
Ash: You tried your luck.
SK: Yeah. I did that. But it is not a problem.
SK: She’s masturbated on me 100 times.
Ash: To make her what?
SK: Take it easy, Ash.
Ash: No, no
SK: Take it easy.
Ash: Take her what?
SK: I said thrice. This is the fourth time. I can make Preity Zinta masturbate on the floor any time. You have all the shit. You know all that stuff. Come on, Ash, you’re going to meet Aamir right now!
Ash: Stop all the crap.
SK: What, we’re talking crap right now? Yeah, right.
Ash: That wasn’t an honest request."


It gets even better, it seems that everybody sleeps with everybody in Bollywood...

"Salman and Dia Mirza allegedly had an affair during the Jodhpur outdoor shoot of the film Tumko Na Bhool Payenge

SK: I have the power to do that. Do you know the underworld people call me at 12 at night because I am the main guy in Bombay. You know the underworld is controlled by me? You know I can do that. Why are you saying I’ll be in trouble?
Ash: I heard about Dia Mirza.
SK: Ah. I f****d Dia Mirza too. Hello?"


Wonder if he has a sexually transmitted disease of some sort. Mentally he cracked anyway. Salamn Khan Bollywood's answer to Tom Cruise - on the weirdness scale anyway. No Salman is weirder. Viva India!

The quoted stuff is copyright Mid-Day and Tariq Ansari I guess.

Delhi Metro ride

I took a ride on the Delhi Metro today. I've taken the Metro before, but not on this underground stretch. As I pass the Patel Chowk station everyday to and from work, I thought it might be a good idea to give the Metro a ride, and for ten bucks for a one-way ticket to the University, it wasn't a bad deal. So here are the snaps of todays Metro ride, and yes, photography isn't allowed, I just used my handy little Nokia 6680. Heh heh!

Patel Chowk Station

The crowd at 6.30 PM in the evening after we passed through Rajiv Chowk (CP)

I took a stop at Rajiv Chowk on the way back.
Back on the surface at Patel Chowk.

There are a lot more pics, which I'll post to my FlickR account later. Needless to say that for Rs 30 (Ten bucks each way and ten bucks for parking), this was a good one hour. And the Delhi Metro is much better than many of the systems in America, but the MARTA in Atlanta was very sweet as well. However, I still love the Paris Metro with its Ultra narrow trains which run of Michelin tyres!
PS : Just saw the Mallika MMS everyone is talking about. Why????

Salman, Aishwarya and a drunken phone call

You want to know my rather humble opinion of this entire Ash-Salman phone call business, which the Times Of India thinks never happened and has buried it as a single column in an inside page. Its quite simple. I think Ash, at least around the time of this phone call had recently dumped Mr Macho, so Mr Macho goes and made friends with Mr Walker (or Mr Daniels) that night. After imbibing a few litres of the brew, Sallu Dada gets a call from the maiden and well, all hell breaks lose. Now, lets look at this from a psychiatric point, Sallu, and I think he is a muscle bound monstrosity, doesn't have anything much upstairs, but obviously had a emotional bone. Now, remember this guy has just been dumped by Little Miss Rai, so he loses it. Big time, and he is drunk, so he doesn't really know what the fuck he is saying. "I can have you killed", "Abu Salem is a friend" etc etc, you know the transcript by now.
We've all been dumped, badly, at least once in our lives and we all tend to get rather emotional about it, I know I have. A friend of mine still wants to kill me because he believes I played a role in his getting unhitched - which I did not. But when your synapses are going beserk up in your head, you can't think straight, and especially if your synapses have been used to a daily diet of steroids, they do tend to get a bit more screwed.
Anyway, so Sallu acts like any man who has a litre or two of alcie and maybe a few lines of charlie would, he tries to threaten the poor girl into un-dumping him. Charlie said I? Yes I did, I'm sure the guy was dosed up of Cocaine and thats why he was talking big (and silly). Everybody has looked at the transcript, but nobody has really read between the lines. I loved this one though - "You used me like I used you." Well, Sallu at least you got to screw Aishwarya on a regular basis, that is more than any of us can say (maybe Vivek Oberoi, but does Ash sleep with him? Moot point) so cheer up.
Sallu is doing Kat Kaif now, so now need for him to feel depressed, he should just know how to handle emotional distress. Not that I am a great expert on the matter, I brought a fight onto this blog (post deleted). But I wonder how he does it? I've been led to believe that doing too many steroids kills a mans balls. That said Sallu should be locked up in a mental institution for life - he has killed people on the road, killed a Black Buck and terrorised a cute babe. The man is nuts.
And you have to admire Aishwarya's atoic silence on the issue.
Now can the TV media stop this please, I'm bored.

Thursday evening linx...

Well, its been a rather boring Thursday and I have twiddling thumbs and writing like a madman about things I have no interest in. However, I love being a journalist and that too in print. If only the salaries were better.
Anyways, here are nice entertaining Thursday evening linx to keep everybody happy!
Seldomly asked questions about Japan - and you discover that they are weirder than you can possibly imagine!
Curious? Then go to justcurio.us
Noooooooo, damn!
OK, this is not safe for work because of the banner ads, but my god Britney Spears has become a fugly!
Someone scans Flickr for the babes, god knows how many are stolen from other websites, but some are really sweet - again, not safe for work and it takes forever to load.
Not for the squeamish!
How beer might help you kick the smoking habit!
Awesome! I want one too!

Swift Test

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Originally uploaded by The Big K.

I had promised a few days agao to give a non-biased (versus auto magazines who suck manufacturers balls for a living) review of the Swift. Lets start, this car looks sweet. You might say that the cars looks have been inspired by the new Mini, but it is a good looking car, the concept of the 'floating roof' (because of the blacked out A and B pillars) is a nice concept. The ZXi has a very good looking seven spoke alloy wheels to boot, with the wide-profile 185/70R14 JK Vectra tubeless rubber that this car rides on, well this specification level anyway, rides on, the entire package looks incredibly poised. It may not be sleek, but it feels like one of those windup toys, release it and it would storm away. Which it does, but that we'll come to later. Now, where this car really wins out on the competition is the interiors. Yes, rear legroom is sucky compared to the Getz and Indica, but the Getz and Indica don't even look half as good (the latter doesn't even look a tenth as good honestly), and really you wouldn't want to sit at the rear of this car. This is the most fun car to come to India since the old Honda City 1.5 VTEC.
Ah, now the favourite issue with Indians - fuel economy. Now, I know that one particular auto magazine alters fuel economy results for money and all magazines give 'city' fuel economy figures based on Bombay driving. In Delhi, the car performed decently well, I estimated around 11-12 (with the AC on) and I was driving pretty rough (using a gear higher than needed) for better performance. If you drive well enough, you should be able to get around 13 on this car in Delhi. In Bangalore, you'll finish your feal tank while waiting in traffic.
That said, the Getz is a nice car too. Its got more space, maybe even better interior fabrics. But for gods sake, the Swift performs like a bitch on heat when you put the pedal to the metal. You'll hit 100 while on second gear, and the road runs out with alarming speed with the Swift. And honestly, its name doesn't sound silly.
The only thing against the Swift is the current eight-ten week waiting period for the car. But, don't let that deter you, this is one killer car. It is as Jaggu Khattar told me, "The new Zen." It is THAT good.
PS : Loved HT's story of Ash and Sallu today. Now know why the vixen broke up with shorty, and what a way to launch in Bombay. Brilliant. Best of luck to my former employers!

Some Pics of Cal and planes....

Now that Blogger allows you to post pics, everybody who sees my blog can see my crappy collection of pics. Just click to expand them, I guess you knew but anyway. Thank god for 1.3 megapixel cameraphones, and in particular the Nokia 6880. I'm supposed to write a review on the phone, but put simply this is a really nice gadget. Anyways, lets start with the pictures. The first one is a shot of the new Howrah Bridge taken from near the Princeps Ghat railway station. We had gone there to immerse my grandfathers ashes. I'll post these images to Flickr in a bit, but for the time being, I'll just post them directly to the blog. My apologies if you use a dial-up. The next image is a simple aerial shot taken from the Air Deccan flight I caught back to Delhi. It was quite beautiful to break through the low lying cloud and into the sun. Its a quite amazing thing the monsoons, possibly the world's most freaky meterological event. Every year, the winds in this part of the northern hemisphere just change direction and instead of heading for the African rift valley just dump rain all over the Indian subcontinent. Well, some parts more than others as Gujarat discovered this year.Flying Air Deccan today was far more pleasant than I thought it would be. OK, so the seat pitch was pretty small, but for gods sake, Jet Airways has equally crappy pitch in Economy Class. Only Indian Airlines has decent seat pitch in Economy. In addition, while Air Deccan questions why we need a meal, I really wouldn't mind some water, which is why I think SpiceJet is slightly better. But, then again I got a Rs 3300 ticket back to Delhi for Wednesday late on Monday evening. Not bad. However, what will sink Air Deccan is not the slightly expensive snacks or anything, it is the awfully crappy nature of their website. Really, the Air Deccan website sucks, booking online is near impossible, so you have to grin and bear a Rs 150 charge for using their call centre. Again, SpiceJet wins, along with Kingfisher these two new carriers have great websites, and according to friends and colleagues who have flown on these airlines, other than kharoos airhostesses the airlines are rather nice (and as they never failed to say - they're CHEAP). Their website is really classy, not cluttered like that of Jet or Indian Airlines (it takes a genius to work IC's website - before you work out to append a '0' to every three digit flight number). So while you have to admire Captain Gopinath for what he started, including doing a Michael O'Leary (of Ryanair fame) with headrest covers (sponsored by Sri Krishna Sweets of Chennai), he really needs to improve his website. Anyway, I'll post some more stuff later. And I keep getting more people looking for 'Mallika Sherawat Sex MMS download' to this blog. Hmm, those last few words will boost my traffic again, after all, I'm a bastard!

Back and forth.

My maternal grandfather passed away on Monday morning, and I had to rush back to Calcutta. So that kind of explains the lack of posts over here. Have to admire the old man, he was 82 and was proud till the end and left behind two well-setlled daughters and four decently smart (even though I worry about Brotherman) grandkids. Being the eldest, I had to perform the last rites, and that is a rather depressing thing. Going to the cremation ground in Calcutta though is a world away from what I have seen before.
Firstly, and I admire this, it seems that Calcutta seems to have dispense with old-style cremation, everything happens in huge electric crematoriums. Imagine gigantic ovens - I'm sorry but thats what they are, they aren't romantic, but then again death never is, but they are a lot more environmentally friendly than chopping down a tree to cremate someone, and in a city where it seems there are more humans than trees, I guess it makes sense. Given that my grandfather who was against much ceremony and ritual, I guess we kept it all rather quiet, but my uncle did chide me for giving too much money to the priest who oversaw the ceremony. However, the crematorium itself is a very depressing place. We went to the Keoratala crematorium behind Kalighat and all around us there was huge wailing and screaming. Double Daddy pointed out that among Bongs (and it seems Indians on the whole) wailing is a ritual. Thats fine, but insanity needn't be a ritual. Death, and the ceremonies that we have after death should be dignified. However, I guess its easier for some rather than others.
I flew back today morning on an Air Deccan flight, which was cramped but none the less, it was also the first flight in the last two months that I have taken that took off within ten minutes of its scheduled time. I'll post some more pictures from Cal and the flight later.
Addendum : I do not have the linx or file of the phone video Mallika Sherawat (or not Mallika Sherawat) having sex with some white man when she was in Cannes. I know half the people visiting this site in the last five days have come in looking for that, and I'm sorry its not with me. In fact, I doubt its anywhere on the internet just yet, maybe try the forums at Masalatalk as well as disabling the 'Safe Search' function on Google. Why don't you try and find it the old fashioned way, get it from a friend via Bluetooth. Incidentally, I have only heard of this clip till now and haven't seen it as yet, but from what I hear it may not be Jat-girl. Now I read a report in The Statesman today morning where Mallika's friends in Bollywood have assured Jat-girl it isn't her after they 'carefully studied' the clip. I don't know what to say! Jat-girl (ex-Jet-girl mind you) should really do India proud by calling up Hugh Hefner and becoming the first desi to appear in Playboy. Not that there is much left to see, but at least PB is classier than starring in a MMS video. I've said this before and I'll say it again - Indians are voyueristic bastards - and if we don't do somthing about it soon, we'll end like Japan - on the Sex front that is.